Page 90 of The Wedding Engagement

He gathered her into a tight cuddle. “I promise you’re nothing like him. He’s a selfish prick who thinks of no one but himself. You think abouteveryone, Liv. You put everyone first. To the point that I worry you don’t take care of your own needs.”

Something broke inside her, and the tears flowed more freely. She cried them silently onto Arran’s T-shirt, feeling guilty that she was soaking the poor man in the process. Pickling him in salt water.

Eventually, she managed to speak again, to continue saying what she’d never been able to tell anybody, including her twin brother and best friends. “You remember Dean?”

“Your ex who we saw at Angela and Sarah’s wedding?”

“Yeah. He was my longest relationship, but still only about six months. Everyone thinks he dumped me, but the truth is, I dumpedhim.”

He stroked her hair. “You’re allowed to break up with someone, Liv. You can’t stay with them if it’s not right.” He lifted her chin to smile at her. “Even I know that, and I’ve been on the receiving end, big-time.”

She searched his face. “What did you say to Jess? When she told you. Did you shout at her?”

He frowned. “No, of course not. She was upset and crying. She wasn’t trying to hurt me. I mean, I was shocked and my pride was hurt, so I didn’t say too much. Then when we next spoke I asked her a lot of questions. But it was a discussion, not a shouting match.” He paused, running his thumb over her cheek. “Why? Did Dean have a go at you?”

She swallowed. “I didn’t know how to end it without upsetting him. I hadn’t been feeling it for a few weeks, but he still seemed into me. So I…kind of ghosted him.” She winced, remembering how immature and unkind it’d been. “Then when he asked me about it, I pretended I’d just been busy and had phone problems. I made out it was in his head.”

Nausea swelled inside her, and her breathing became more labored. “I gaslighted him, Arran. Then, when he backed me into a corner and demanded to know what was going on, I finished it.” Her chest was constricted and her head was spinning. “He—he told me I was just like my dad.” Her voice gave out and Arran pulled her into him again. “He knew about the way Dad used to act, because I’d told him everything.”

She took a breath, trying to stop her words from coming out in a broken staccato. “I never told anyone what I did because I was so ashamed. So I made out Dean had finished it. Everyone believed it, and when it got around that we’d broken up, I noticed he didn’t correct anyone. I think it suited him to pretend he’d been the one to end it.”

Arran’s voice rumbled through his chest, soothing into her bones. “It was just his pride, sweetheart. That’s all. His ego was dented, so he lashed out.” He sighed. “I think a lot of dudes can be like that.”

An invisible weight drifted from her shoulders. Arran hadn’tthought she was irrational so far. Nor was he telling her she was an evil person. “But I pretended his observations and his hurt weren’t valid. That he’d imagined it. Just like Dad did to Mum and Cat did to Sam.”

“It’s not the same. You cared about his feelings and you were trying to protect them. Perhaps you went about it in the wrong way, but you were only young, and your dad had just left a couple of years before, don’t forget. The trauma of it was still pretty raw.” He kissed the top of her head. “Also, I reckon no matter how you’d broken up with him, the reaction would’ve been the same. He sounds like the sort of guy who was always going to lash out when his pride was hurt. And, what’s more, he knew exactly how to do it. What your weak spot was.” He gave her a squeeze. “Hewas the bad guy, Liv. Not you.”

She swallowed, relief at his support spurring her on. “Ever since I was little, my grandmother, Dad’s mum, would tell me how much like my dad I was. In both looks and temperament. And then…” She tailed off.

“And then, what?” he asked, softly.

She sat back to face him again. “Mum was always on at me about speaking my mind. Insinuating I should censor myself and not express too much negative emotion or be too loud or disagreeable. My doing so used to cause arguments with Dad and she would say we were too similar, that’s why we butted heads. She wanted me to put up and shut up to keep the peace.”

Arran was listening intently, holding her hand with a gentle, reassuring pressure.

“Then one time I got into a fight at school. Some guy had been bullying my friend Olly and I stood up for them.”

“Shit, I remember that,” he told her. “Didn’t you floor the bully by sweeping his feet?”

She nodded, half expecting to be chastised.

Arran held out his hand for a low five, and after a moment’s surprise, she obliged him.

“That was awesome,” he said, his eyes wide. “Everyone at school was talking about it and I was like, yeah, that’s my best friend’s sister.” He had a proud look on his face and she loved him for it. “Hold on,” he said, putting two and two together. “Did your mum bawl you out for that?”

She nodded.

“No way,” he said slowly. “Why? That dude was a notorious dickhead. Didn’t he have your friend by the throat at one point?”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “I had to intervene before he choked Olly out. But when Mum found out, she wouldn’t listen to my reasons. Just told me that I had trouble controlling my temper and was just like my father.”

Arran was silent for a moment. “A bit like earlier, when she was critical of you defending Angus.”

Liv nodded, a painful lump constricting her throat.

“Come here,” he told her softly.

She about collapsed onto him, burying her face in his T-shirt. He smelled so good. “I think that was why I started reading up on it,” she told him. “Narcissism, I mean. Perhaps I was trying to convince myself I wasn’t the same.” She swallowed. “But maybe emotionally charged thoughts carry more weight than logical ones, and deep down it still drives me? I don’t really know.”

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