Page 41 of The Fault Next Door

Ryder’s body shook seconds before he let out a sob that filled the room. They clung to each other as they cried fresh tears for their loss. Nolan knew feeling guilty wasn’t helping the situation. He wasn’t at fault just because he hadn’t gone to Atlanta. It was one of those weird things that happened.

Eventually, Ryder pulled away, his eyes downcast. "You need to leave."

Any hope Nolan had washed away. Ryder was done with them. He'd known getting involved with a straight guy would have its ups and downs. The realization that Andrew had been driving the vehicle that had caused the wreck was too much for Ryder.

Nolan nodded and turned, wishing Ryder would realize they shouldn’t punish themselves for a stupid accident. There wouldn’t be an easy path to forgiveness. This was it.

He walked out of Ryder's house, his heart shattering as he headed to his place. If he saved everything and stopped eating out, he could buy out the contract and move somewhere else. Living here, next to Ryder, would be too much. He couldn't face seeing Ryder and knowing that whatever wonderful thing that had happened between them was gone. They were over, even before they got the chance to see how awesome they could be.

Chapter 29

Ryder couldn't believeeverything good he'd thought was happening had turned into something bad. He couldn't get past the news that Andrew had been there. It was too much of a coincidence that Nolan had moved next door. How did that even happen?

He still had to do chores, but going outside with Nolan at home was too much. He moved so he could see outside, wondering what Nolan was thinking about.

Had he been too harsh? Facing the truth was too much. Amy would like Nolan. Hell, Amy probably would have liked Andrew, too. Now, he would never know how awesome they could have been together.

The sound of Nolan's car starting jostled him out of his thoughts. Nolan's car pulled out of the driveway and sadness filled Ryder. The chores had to be done, so he headed outside. Doing chores only when Nolan wasn't home would be nearly impossible. Something had to give.

Ryder finished feeding his animals, not taking much pleasure from the task. It was weird how learning something like this ruined everything. Anger swirled deep in his belly. How had henot known the name of the person driving the car? Everything had been so clouded and jumbled after the accident.

A shiver snaked through Ryder. It had been a tragic accident. It wasn’t like Andrew had swerved into traffic and hit Amy’s car. Andrew hadn’t been drunk or on any substance. The wheel parts had failed. There hadn’t been anything Andrew or Amy could have done.

After he finished in the yard, he showered, noticing his libido was gone again. Having Nolan with him made everything better. It wasn't just the sex either. That was hot, but just having Nolan as a friend and companion had been wonderful.

The day seemed to take forever. He found himself staring off into space more than once. If he could go back and change things, he would have told Amy to stay at home that day. They would have taken a trip that week. Or maybe he could have driven the car for her. If he would have been the one to die, she could have moved on.

Would Amy have moved on? He wanted to think of her happy and living a great life. He should be ashamed of himself for being with Nolan. Not because of the gay thing, but how could he enjoy anything when Amy was dead?

Ryder made it through the weekend and was back at work. He kept his head down and did what he had to. Rafe came over to ask him something and gave him a weird look. No matter how much he thought he wasn’t showing how upset he was, he guessed he wasn’t doing that great of a job.

“I’m sorry. What?” Ryder shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs.

“The large order from Bickel Construction. Did you already start gathering the items?”

Ryder shook his head. “Sorry. I’m distracted.”

“It’s okay. I’ll get started on that.”

Ryder nodded. “Sure.” He stared at the floor as Rafe began to walk away. “Wait. There’s no reason for you to do that alone. I’ll help.”

“Sure thing, man.” Rafe led the way to the aisle where most of the items were.

It was a large order, and it took them most of the day. He had to do a few special cuts, but most of the items just needed to be gathered and stacked on pallets.

“You seem distracted,” Rafe said. “Anything you want to talk about?”

Ryder shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

Rafe chuckled. “You know, sometimes the most nothing thing is more than you give it credit for.”

Ryder blew out a harsh breath. “I just found something out.”

“Life is short. Things happen. Bad things, good things. You have to decide what you’re going to let affect you.”

Ryder shrugged. “I don’t know how to get past it.”

They worked for another thirty minutes in silence. Then Rafe spoke again. “You know, it’s up to you what you allow to destroy you. Really bad things happen, and you can allow it to crush you, or you can rise above.”

---