Page 42 of The Fault Next Door

“I don’t know how to get over this.”

Rafe put his hand on Ryder’s shoulder. “It happens one decision at a time. I’ve gone through some bad shit, like real bad, and I had to make a choice about how much I was willing to let it dictate my future. There are things you can’t force or influence, but there are also things you have complete control over.”

Ryder snorted. “I have no control over this.”

“But you do have control over how you handle it,” Rafe said before he walked away.

The words twisted through his mind, making him wish Rafe hadn’t said anything. He was handling this badly. Nolan hadn’t caused the wreck and wasn’t at fault. Ryder wanted to be withNolan, but he didn’t know how to get from the anger and pain back to Nolan’s arms. Was it too much to find forgiveness? Did Nolan even need forgiveness? Ryder sucked in a breath as realization hit. Nolan didn’t need forgiveness, but he sure as heck did. He’d screwed up by pushing Nolan away. Maybe there wasn’t hope for them, but what if there was?

Chapter 30

Nolan hadn't seenRyder for days. Everything inside told him to go find Ryder and demand that he listen, but he didn't want to be a jerk. He'd already pushed and been told to go away. Calling the realtor had hurt, but there wasn’t much he could do but leave. The appointment to put the house on the market was at the end of the week. By then, he might have a better idea of what he needed to do.

The days passed in a near haze and on Friday he still had no idea how to approach Ryder. Nolan figured Ryder was hiding from him. It just emphasized how much he needed to leave this place.

There wasn’t any way he could afford to buy out his contract at this point. It would cost too much money that he didn’t have. There had to be a solution that would work for both of them.

The worst part was he had begun to have real feelings for Ryder. Now, that was all gone and only in the past.

He had just pulled into the driveway when he heard one of Ryder’s goats making a huge amount of noise. Worry filled Nolan. Once he saw Ryder’s truck wasn’t there, he headed over to the pens that held the goats.

“What is up?” Nolan asked as he approached. He knew the goats wouldn’t really tell him what was going on, but that didn’t stop him from asking. Taking care of the animals had been enjoyable. He missed the time he’d spent in the barn talking to the goats and Mavis.

The goat still screamed as he entered the pen, reaching over the fence to scratch Mavis's head. "What's up, girl?"

Nolan didn't see anything, but the goat was still screaming so he moved into the barn and saw that one of the goats was trapped in the wooden slats that separated the feed room from the rest of the barn.

“What are you doing?” How the heck had this goat gotten in this position? Upon closer inspection, it looked like the latch on the gate separating the areas inside the barn was broken.

The goat answered him with more screams. To fix the situation would require him to back the goat out of the spot. As he started to push the goat back through the slats, he heard Ryder’s truck pull up outside.

His breath caught as his stomach dropped. He wished he'd waited or maybe gone to the store after work. But he was in Ryder's barn, and he would come face to face with his neighbor.

"I'm coming. What is wrong with you?" Ryder called out, then froze as he saw Nolan trying to push the goat back through the slats. It took a second for Ryder to stare at him before the man threw back his head, laughter spilling out.

Nolan shrugged. “I came home, and he seemed upset.”

"Yeah. Looks like the idiot got trapped." Ryder came over, and together with some brute force and ingenuity, they got the goat unstuck.

After they finished, Ryder used some wire to lock the gate and then shut the door to the barn before following Nolan out to the back yard.

Nolan didn’t want this to be a big deal, so he was about to head back to his place when Ryder’s hand landed on his shoulder. He didn’t turn to face Ryder at first. It would be too hard to look into Ryder’s eyes and not see caring. Maybe it would be more difficult to see the caring.

“Can we talk?” Ryder asked.

Slowly, Nolan turned, his heart aching for this man. They’d both suffered so much. Maybe it was too much to ask Ryder to have forgiveness.

He studied Ryder’s gaze, trying to figure out what he was feeling. A tiny spark, something that looked like hope shone in Ryder’s eyes. Nolan nodded.

“Want to come in?” Ryder asked.

“Um, sure.” It was painful walking back into Ryder’s house, thinking about all the good times they’d had curled in each other’s arms as they discovered how to make love to each other. It had been love, too. They may have wanted to keep it casual, but they’d gone way past just fucking around to building something with meaning.

Ryder offered him tea, but he shook his head. He couldn’t start getting comfortable here unless he had something to get comfortable about.

Nolan watched Ryder cross and uncross his arms then clear his throat. Nolan should say something to make this easier for Ryder, but he didn’t know what to say that would actually help.

“I spent the last week kicking myself. I should have looked into the accident when it happened. I should know the names of everyone who died and what happened.”

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