Page 43 of The Fault Next Door

Nolan nodded. “I read many of the articles. I knew there was an Amy, but I didn’t put it together that it was your Amy.”

Ryder sniffed as he stared out the window to his left. The silence stretched on. After a moment Ryder swallowed, thenturned his gaze back on Nolan. His eyes were red along with his cheeks.

“I don’t want to throw away what we were starting. I felt something for you. I don’t believe for one moment you moved here to trap me or trick me. I was angry, and I’m sorry.”

Nolan heard the words but wasn’t sure what he could do to make it all okay. Could they ever go back to what they had? Moving back wasn’t his way. He wanted to move forward.

“Instead of moving back to what we had, we should see what we can develop.”

“What do you mean?” Ryder asked.

Nolan shrugged. “Let’s get to know each other better.”

Ryder nodded. “I think that is a great idea.”

“I like the idea of us spending time together.”

Ryder bit his lower lip. “I am worried.”

“About what?”

“How did my mom find out that we’re together?”

Nolan shrugged. “Maybe she put two and two together. People know I had a husband because Andrew’s mother showed up here. When you came out of my house this morning, maybe your mother just assumed.”

“I feel like it’s more. But maybe not. I just don’t want you to be put in a position where you’re in danger.”

Nolan put his hand on Ryder's arm. Their gazes met and held. A shiver snaked through Nolan as desire filled him. He needed to keep control of his desire.

"I'm sure everything will be okay. Just be yourself, and I'll be me. We'll work through things as they come up." Nolan wished he had better advice. He'd learned over the years that some people just didn't want to cut anyone a break. They liked causing problems because causing problems gave them something to talk about.

Ryder held Nolan’s gaze. “What do you mean by that?”

Nolan ran his hand over Ryder’s shoulder and down his arm. “It means we need to live how we want to live. What other people think doesn’t matter. Andrew taught me that. He was a tough military man with a husband. He got plenty of hate from inside the military, but he never gave in and retaliated. He stood firm with his convictions that he wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

“What if we are doing something wrong?” Worry filled Ryder’s face.

Nolan shook his head. "We aren't. I know for a fact that we aren't doing one thing wrong by being together. What other people think doesn't matter. Many of those religions that condemn gay people support men who do very bad things to kids. They commit sins by lying, cheating, and stealing more than just money. They have no room to talk. What do you feel is right?"

Nolan knew he would face challenges dating Ryder, who seemed to be a totally straight guy before they hooked up. With the added pressure of how they were connected, it might not work out. But he felt deep in his heart that Ryder would be worth every effort he had to make for them to be together.

Chapter 31

Ryder didn't knowhow to answer Nolan's question. He moved to the kitchen and then spun to face Nolan. This felt right. Being with Nolan felt like he was making the right decision.

“I don’t know for sure what is right. This feels right—being with you. All I know is that I am hungry, and I want to think about this while we eat.”

“Sure. Food is good.”

Ryder needed the connection with Nolan to ground him. They worked together to make sandwiches and then sat at the table, neither of them talking. He had thoughts about what was going on between them but wasn't sure how to voice them. Everything seemed screwed up, but was it really? He knew Nolan's husband wasn't at fault, not really. No matter who was driving, the tire would have come off. Amy had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. No one could have known that morning as she got ready for her day that it would be her last real day of life.

Now he had this thing with Nolan. It wasn’t one-sided either. Nolan hadn’t done anything to convince him or manipulate himto get into bed. He wanted to be with this man, to really be in a relationship with him.

“You look like you want to say something,” Nolan said.

Ryder sighed. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Just start, it doesn’t matter where.”

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