Page 50 of Lessons In Grey

“I fear that if she saw it, if she truly saw what I was, that she would run, and I would lose her forever.”

He was a dangerous man who had guns and a cat whom he had found while going after gunrunners. My assumption was that he worked as some sort of crime lord, his adoptive father being his boss, but I honestly hadn’t put much thought into it.

“Are you some sort of serial killer? Because while that is terrifying, it’s not a deal breaker in this world these days.”

I could only imagine the look he was giving her.

“No,” he stated evenly. “It’s more complicated than that. You know her better than—”

“Nobody knows her, Navarro,” she breathed out, but despite her breath of worry, my chest tightened in guilt. “I can’t tell you that she’d be okay with you murdering her stepbrother, but in my opinion, he should definitely be in an unmarked grave from what I’ve seen. It’s been happening for three years, did you know that?”

I could feel the tension in the air thicken. “What?”

“Yeah,” she breathed out. “Yeah, Charlie knew about it. For a while, anyway. I knew about it. It was a song and dance we’ve gone through before, but she promised it had stopped. When they moved in, I knew that even if it had stopped, it could start again, I just…it’s not something you can just bring up. I can’t slam her up against a wall and shake her, beg her to leave, she wouldn’t do it. She’s going to tell you no too.”

“Why?”

Because it was my prison, my punishment.

“That house, her bedroom, it’s the only thing she’s got left of her mom and Charlie.”

Seconds ticked by before he spoke again. “There is nothing of them on the walls. Not one thing left. Jordan destroyed her bedroom, spraypainted Charlie’s name on the door in black.”

“Fuck,” Ash sighed. “I haven’t been there since it happened. You know, I’ve known them almost our entire lives. Since second grade. Emily came up to me. She made the first move. Charlie had pushed her, but she had done it. We became best friends. Not me and Charlie and then Emily, but Em and I and then Charlie. And I think that’s how Emily has always felt. You know, second best. Second at everything, never good enough to earn that spot that Charlie always took up, and she was never bitter about it, but you could tell that it always hurt.

“Charlie was always outgoing and loud and boisterous, and then there was Emily, quiet and meek, but once you got to know her? Fuck, she has such afirein her soul, you know? It’s like…it’s like sheburnsfor this world, but her flames are too hot, and it’s killing her. She believes in things with such a passion, but she doesn’t have the bravery to get up there andbe.

“That’s why they were so perfect together. Charlie pushed her to show the world who she was, and Emily gave Char a reason to stay put. Em gives and gives without any hesitation, she loves with everything she is. Do you know about the program here?About the hot food and clothes and school supplies for those with less?”

“She told me about it my first day.”

“Did she tell you who started that?”

“It was her mother’s idea.”

Ash laughed. “It washeridea. She told her mom about it after Charlie forced her to do it, and her mom told her dad because they knew that if it came from Em, her dad wouldn’t listen. If she sees a need, she does her best to fill it. That’s who she is.

“Oh God, and she has the most…exquisite voice. And if she ever writes a song for you? That’s it, you have a piece of her forever. I will never forget the song she and Char wrote for me I still have it at home. I listen to it all the time, the lyrics she wrote out for me are tucked away in a photo album.”

My throat closed, tears burning my eyes. I hadn’t realized how much that mattered to her, that stupid little song.

“I just wish she could see it,” Ash went on, her voice low. “She is one of the best people I have ever met, and it kills me that this illness has taken her away so completely. God, there are so many firsts I did with her, but I feel like she’s lost it all in the horror. It’s like she’s trapped in this haunted house, and she can’t escape, and every time we look in, all we see is darkness, rather than the light that’s shining beneath. I think that she’s just so exhausted from the fight that she’s forgotten that there is still some good left inside of her.”

I swallowed, shifting ever so slightly. It felt like I had been sleeping for days, not 45 minutes. I couldn’t keep laying here, I had to move.

I turned, stretching everything, popping and cracking meeting my ears until a sharp pain slammed up my arm.

I hissed, jerking it against my chest, clutching it tightly. Fuck, I could feel the scabs breaking open. God, that hurt.

I looked down towards my arm only to pause when I saw the jacket around me. His jacket.

I slowly pushed myself to a haphazard sit, everything sore as the jacket fell off my shoulders, getting caught on my hands. He had put his jacket over me and it smelled so much like him that my heart fluttered and my cheeks warmed, but the pain in my wrist was prevalent even through the relief ofhim.

I flexed my left hand, my eyes lifting to find Rags and Ash sitting on either side of the entryway to the alcove, both looking tired and disheveled. Fuck, I didn’t know why I found it so hot, his hair hanging into his eyes like that, but I did. It made my stomach warm seeing him like this.

“Hey there, sleepy head,” Ash whispered with a smile as I pulled my knees up to my chest. “Did your arm fall asleep?”

Guilt filled me. No, I sliced my arm up with a blade I had found at the back of my medicine cabinet. “A little bit,” I replied, trying to blink the sleepiness from my eyes. I don’t think I’ll ever tell her the truth. What was the point? I wasn’t planning on doing it again.

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