Page 116 of Jake's Angel

I’m not afraid ofhim. I’m afraid of what’s coming afterward. When he holds me like this, though, my body is trapped. I don’t feel the sense of panic or uncertainty. How he manages to make me feel this way is still a mystery. One I don’t want to solve.

Here in his arms, I feel completely safe, knowing he would never physically harm me. My heart is a different concern, but I don’t know how to tell him without letting my guard down completely. He’s already seen me at my most vulnerable. What more could it hurt to give him everything?

There’s still so much he doesn’t know about me, and vice versa. Will he change his mind when he finds out how truly fucked-up my life has been? All the baggage I carry. Not tomention my lack of experience with men. I already know I feel more for him than he does for me. But it’s my choice. I choose to love him, to give him everything I have to give.

“I can hear you thinking, Angel. What’s on your mind?” His breath tickles my ear as he nips lightly at my earlobe, both sending a slight shiver through my body. When I don’t answer him fast enough, he slowly turns me around to face him. I look away, but I should know better by now.

He grabs my chin with his fingers and gently lifts, forcing our eyes to meet. There’s concern in his whiskey eyes, but also a tenderness. “What is it, baby? What’s wrong?”

Placing my hands against his chest, feeling the warmth of his hard muscles through his shirt.

It’s just this once. I can let myself enjoy this feeling, just this once.

Wiggling my chin free from his grip, laying my head down on his shoulder so I don’t have to see his face.It’s now or never. I’m going to tell him everything and then he can take meback to Liz’s house or I’ll give myself over to him.

I’ll give him the choice.

“Jake. I’m not like those other women. I’ve …” In one big, longwooshI let it all out.“I’ve-never-been-with-anyone-before-ever-not-at-all-in-any-way-I-mean-other-than-that-day-at-the-diner-and-then-at-Maggie’s-grave-although-everything-was-perfect-and-somewhat-creepy-in-retrospect-but-I’m-still-a-virgin-in-the-true-sense-of-the-word-so-if-you-want-to-take-me-back-now-I’ll-understand.” I take a deep breath, noting he’s smirking at me, but not stopping me from rambling.

“You said you wanted to see this dress on the floor implying you want to have sex with me, and I don’t think you should want to because I won’t be as good as those other women.” I bury my face in the crook of his neck, hoping he can’t feel the heat of my blush on his skin.

His only answer is a grunt.

What the hell does that mean?

I’m waiting for the inevitable outcome, but it doesn’t come. Instead, he laughs. He. Fucking.Laughs!

“This is funny to you.” It’s not a question. Feeling more unsure of myself than ever and so unbelievably embarrassed, I push off his chest, trying to move around him, but am stopped by two very large arms pulling me back to my original spot, pinning me between him and the railing.

“I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you.” He breathes against my neck. “Ok, Iamlaughing at you, but not because of the reasons you’re thinking.” I roll my eyes and try to push back off the railing. I am met by some resistance and a noticeable bulge pushing against my stomach.

“Avery, look at me.” I don’t. I stare at the house over his shoulder instead. He follows my movements with his head, forcing himself into my view whether I want him there or not. Holding my chin, his thumb gently stroking my cheek, he halts my movements.

“Hey. Look at me Angel.” He coaxes again. I glare at him, hoping my anger will overshadow the hurt and the tears I’m trying so desperately to hold back. Looking into my eyes, his once playful demeanor has since changed to an almost angry one.

What’s he pissed about now? I’m the one who’s been rejected. What the hell?

In a gruff, low timber, that brooks no argument, he demands, “I want you to stop comparing yourself to other women. Angel, if I wanted someone experienced, I could find it.” There’s enough room between us that I’m able to cross my arms over my body, but he’s not letting me out of his hold.

I sigh, exasperated. He sees my irritation at his words, then pulls me in tighter to him.

“Those women you see at the club are not looking for anything more than earning a patch. They want recognition—not a relationship.”

“They can have the patch for all I care.” I grumble.

“That’s just it, Angel. They haven’t earned it. A guy doesn’t give just any woman his patch.” The intensity in his voice and the look on his face show he’s serious. This means something to him. “When a man gives a woman his patch, it’s equivalent to marriage in the club. It means they belong to one another. He’s her man, and she’s his ol’ lady.”

I don’t know what to say.

“I know not all guys are faithful to their women,” he admits.

I scoff at his nonchalance.Lovely.

Jake grabs my chin tightly with his fingers, imploring me to listen. “I will be faithful to my woman. If she’ll have me, and wear my cut with as much pride in me as I have in her. If she’ll love me and be true to me the same way I am to her …” He pauses, holding my now glassy gaze. “If you’ll do all those things, I’ll give you everything I am and more.”

Pulling away slightly, allowing himself to search my face, his eyes are dark with desire, and his face suddenly so serious. He grabs my face in his hands, leaning in real close, his voice is raspy, and his nose is lightly brushing my face, making my body involuntarily shutter.

“As for all the other bullshit you’re worried about,” He smiles when I pull back a bit to glare up at him. “I like the fact I’m your first kiss.” He kisses my right cheek. “And I’m the first to make you come apart.” A kiss to my left cheek. “And tonight, I’m going to be thefirstandonly oneto discover everything that makes this sweet little body of yours sing.” Another kiss on my forehead.

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