Page 14 of Lady Killer

“Who’s that?” Autumn asked.

“Oh, just one of my profs. Intro to Japanese.”

“Hmmm, he’s cute. Although I suppose you have your hands full with the Blackwell twins, don’t you?” she said with a devilish smirk.

I rolled my eyes and tried to change the subject. “Has Melody reached out to you?”

“No,” replied Autumn grimly, “but I think maybe she’s really messed up by Aaron’s death. They were super close, you know?”

I nodded along in false sympathy, although my mind was already calculating my next steps.

My texts to Melody had gone unanswered, and I’d hoped Autumn had heard from her.

“It’s just so horrible,” Autumn continued, her eyes still focused on the table in front of her as she continued to pick at her nails. “We were right there, Luz, we saw him that night . . . and now he’s gone.” She choked up.

Autumn was too kind for her own good. Still, I hated to see her so upset, especially over a dickhole like Aaron.

I reached across the table and squeezed her hand to try to keep her from tearing herself apart. “It’s so scary. How are you holding up?”

Friendship may have been new to me, but Mami had taught me that part of getting away with murder was pretending to mourn along with everyone else.

“Honestly? I have times where I’m really sad and I cry but . . .” She was hedging, weighing her words. “Most of the time, I feel guilty for not feeling worse,” she finally whispered.

I squeezed her hand again. From what I’d read, that was fairly common. Sometimes grief was all-consuming, but just as often it came in fits and spurts.

“I think that’s okay,” I said. “I think it’s normal to be sad and I also think it’s normal for your brain to keep the sadness at a distance, you know, to protect you.”

Autumn exhaled, looking reluctant to accept my absolution.

“I miss Aaron too,” I lied, “but life requires us to keep on going, to survive. You should honor your sadness when you feel it, but beating yourself up for living won’t bring him back.”

She smiled and dabbed around her eyes to carefully wipe away her tears.

“I suppose you’re right.” Blinking, she shook her head suddenly. “Here I am being, like, totally selfish. How are you holding up, Luz?”

I considered lying to her. It wasn’t as though I was feeling any sense of sadness over Aaron’s death.

But I was feeling . . . something.

When I’d returned to my dorm, escorted by the driver foisted on me, there had been another sticker heart, this time exactly where the pig’s heart had been nailed to my door. The killer still had eyes on me, and I hadn’t heard from Melody yet.

“I’m okay. I’ve been better and I’ve been worse.”

“I totally get it.”

I hoped she didn’t. Autumn was too pure to handle murder. But I appreciated her support, nonetheless.

We walked back across campus to Jackson College House after exchanging our belated holiday gifts, full of coffee and baked goods.

The weather had been mild in Connecticut over the break, and most of the snow on the school grounds had melted.

I hadn’t returned to the spot where we’d left Aaron’s body, but I wondered what, if anything, remained there after the police had conducted their investigation.

The image of his blood against the crisp whiteness of the snow that night was forever etched in my mind. While I didn’t consider killing to be an art, like Everest, there was an element of visceral beauty to it that I appreciated.

Just as we were about to enter the dormitory, my phone buzzed in my pocket.

I still hadn’t heard from the killer, and I hurried to fish it out, more nervous than I wanted to admit at what I might find.

---