Page 46 of Lady Killer

“It means I don’t experience sexual attraction, or at least, like, that’s how I experience being ace.

“But I’m not, um, aro, like aromantic, that’s the term. I still want romance, relationships, affection. It’s not, like, super complicated but a lot of people mix them up. Technically, I would say I’m panromantic, so I experience or, well, want to experience romantic love with someone based on the person, not their gender. I mean, oh gosh, that’s like a lot, isn’t it?”

I reached out and gently separated her fingers from where they were massacring her cuticle and held them tight, giving her a squeeze. “No, it was exactly right. Thank you for telling me.”

A fragile smile formed on her face. “It would be nice to not have to, like, write an essay to explain what feels normal to me, but people, well, they assume things, right?”

I nodded, remembering what she’d said once about everyone having a "something" in their lives that made them not okay sometimes. I wondered what it cost Autumn to live in a world that constantly demanded an explanation from her that it had no right to.

“Your parents?” I ventured.

Her lips pursed and her eyes fell. “They think it’s nonsense, a phase at most. Me being too stupid to even know what I really want.”

The hurt in her tone cut me, and I had the sudden urge to go visit the Morgans.

As if you need to add more bodies to the mix right now.

“They said that?” I asked carefully.

“Not those exact words, but more or less. Simone,” she began, a wistful look flashing through her eyes, “Simone’s family is different. Her father is big in publishing and her mother is an artist. She came out to them as ace two years ago, and while they didn’t know what it meant, they doubled down on supporting her immediately. My parents . . .” She trailed off with a shattered look in her eyes. “They would never accept me being publicly out.”

“Oh, Autumn.” I was rarely at a loss for words, and I never wished I had the right ones to say more than I did at that moment.

“It’s okay,” she started to say, wiping her eyes with the back of her other hand.

“No, it’s not. It’s a parent’s job to love you unconditionally. Yours failed you. And that sucks.”

I wish I had something more eloquent to say, but that was the truth of the matter. I may not be the best at being a friend, but I understood having shitty parents more than Autumn would ever know.

“It does,” she said quietly. “But that’s why it’s not fair to Simone. We just started dating, and she’s understandingabout keeping it quiet for now, but I can’t . . . we can’t be a secret forever.”

I opened my mouth to console her more, but her phone started vibrating and her eyes widened as the screen lit up. “Sorry Luz, I’ve got to go make a call.”

“Yeah, of course, no rush.”

“It’s my parents.” Standing up too fast, she banged her knee on the table, causing us both to wince before she hurried outside.

Our server returned, placing three steaming-hot dishes down on the table with a frown. “Where’s your friend?”

“She just had to make a call.”

The server smiled and asked if we needed anything else before leaving me alone.

I wanted to dig into my enchiladas and I looked to see if Autumn would be long.

From here, she looked harried, pacing and back in front of the restaurant on the phone.

She had said it was her parents but I couldn’t help but wonder if there was more she wasn’t telling me.

Frowning, I shook my head. Autumn was my friend, I trusted her.

And we were all entitled to secrets, weren't we?

Chapter fifteen

Luz

January became February, and a deep cold set into the Northeast. Valentine’s Day was coming, and Autumn’s problem weighed heavy on me.