Page 57 of Five Ways to Bed a Duke

He must admit that he also wanted an answer to that question. Heartless mothers abandoned their children when they became burdens to them all the time. He had seen it happen among the peasants. At least the rich nobles had the option of leaving their children at the mercy of nannies and nursemaids. However, it took a certain kind of coldheartedness to abandon an infant one just birthed in favor of fleeing with a lover. A part of him was curious to know what sort of excuse his mother would give that would make it acceptable.

He watched as the Dowager Duchess bowed her head and tears streamed down her face. His mother might be older, but she was still a beauty, and the years had been quite kind to her. The sight of the tears on her face made her look vulnerable, and Richardwas shocked that he felt the need to console her. He made sure to push that thought aside before it took root.

“Emmy, I am so sorry, but back then, I felt overwhelmed, and I was sure that if I spent another day in that house, I would suffocate to death. I figured that you would be well taken care of, since I could see how attached your brother was to you. I knew he would never let harm come to you.”

“I was a child, Mother,” Richard blurted out. “Why would you think I would be a good influence on her when I barely had any?” he asked, feeling the anger returning.

“You were quite mature for your age, and at that time, I really needed solitude,” the Dowager Duchess replied.

“Solitude?” He chuckled darkly. “I hardly think you sought solitude when you left with a lover—that would have hardly granted you the solitude you so desired.”

“A lover? You believe I ran away with a lover? Is that what your father told you?”

“Yes, you cheated on him several times and decided to crown it by running off with your lover, who was too cowardly to claim his own child,” he spat out.

“Richard, I understand you hate me, and you have the right to, but there is one truth that must be said. I did run away with a lover, but not in the manner you think.”

The siblings stared at her with confusion.

The Dowager Duchess sighed. “I think I need to start from the very beginning,” she said, bracing herself for what was going to be a long, difficult story.

“You must have known that your father married me when I was in my prime. I had a lot of suitors who mostly wanted me for my beauty, and while I accepted their attentions, I wanted someone who loved me for myself. Then I met your father, and he was everything I wanted in a man. He was kind, handsome, charming, and he also possessed one of the oldest titles in the kingdom. He was a duke,” she began, a rueful smile touching her lips.

“He courted me with perfect charm, and before long, I fell irrevocably in love with him. So, when he proposed to me, I gladly accepted. Granted, I loved the city, and I might have married him under the assumption that we would establish our permanent residence in London—I was too in love to care about the details.

“When we finally got married and he explained his attachment to the countryside, I was disappointed, but I also chose to accept the situation. We lived happily, and when I became pregnant with you”—she looked affectionately at Richard—“he was overjoyed and overly concerned for my well-being. Unfortunately, while I was pregnant, I became sick, and I was sickly throughout the pregnancy. He was the perfect husband at that time, coming several times a day to check in on me.

“When I finally gave birth to you, he was overjoyed to have an heir. His happiness gladdened my heart. I felt that I was living the perfect life with my perfect, little family, but that illusion fell apart barely two months after your birth. My maid, a young woman my age who I have known my entire life, fell ill. She was throwing up and feeling fatigued all the time. I was scared for her life, seeing as she was the only person from my childhood home with me. In my panic, I requested that the physician be called to examine her.”

Her smile turned bitter.

“I remember standing outside the door when the physician, an old kindly man, came out and informed me that my quiet, innocent maid was with child. At first, I was shocked, then I was annoyed that any man would lie with her without marrying her first.

“When I went into the room, she was apologizing profusely, swearing to leave my service if that was her punishment. I calmed her down and asked her to let me know who was the father of her child. I promised her that I would use my husband’s influence to force the man to take responsibility for her and her child.

“But instead of feeling relief, she started crying, and after several moments of consoling her and cajoling her, she told me the most devastating news of my existence. Your father,my husband, was the father of her child. Apparently, while I was pregnant and barely able to move, he needed an outlet for his primal needs, and fresh-faced Rose was the perfect candidate.

“After hearing the news, I was in denial at first. My husband was the most caring man in the world, there was no way he would cheat on me with anyone. But when my maid insisted that he was her child’s father, I reacted with rage and requested that she keep quiet. I left that room so fast, you might I was being chased by devils.

“I ran through the woods for so long until my strength failed me. When I felt better, I retraced my steps back to the mansion, and when I arrived sweaty and dirty, I went straight to your father’s study. I can still remember the look of surprise, then concern on his face when he asked if I was alright and why I looked disheveled. Just that look of concern on his face almost halted the words on the tip of my tongue, but I needed to know, or the uncertainty and doubt would have festered in my heart. Besides, I believed that what I heard could not be true.

“So I asked him about the absurd rumor I had heard, waiting to see a look of outrage preceding his denying it. Instead, I watched my darling husband transform before my eyes into a cold-eyed stranger. He told me that he was a peer and a man with great desire, that I would have saved myself the embarrassment had I known that. He had only sated an appetite. It was not his fault that the chit that was my maid had not taken precautions to avoid conceiving.

“After delivering his speech, he proceeded to ignore me. I remember standing there in shock for a long time before I left the room feeling numb. By the time I got back to my chambers, the pain finally overwhelmed me, and I wept.

“The next day, I woke up to find him in bed with me. I was shocked and revulsed. But apparently, he was back to being his normal charming self. He apologized and said he was drunk when it happened. He pleaded and pleaded. I could feel my heart thawing, but a part of me remained skeptical. Over the next weeks, he proceeded to woo me all over again until I finally forgave him.

“And so the cycle began—of me finding out about his indiscretion, getting heartbroken, and then placated. I began to build a tolerance for it. I even convinced myself that it was just a little flaw in such a perfect man, and as his wife, I felt it was my duty to tolerate it. So I became the long-suffering trophy wife.

“It was fine until the summer you turned eight, Richard. I found out something terrible. He had impregnated a maid, a little girl barely fourteen. She nearly died in childbirth after he sent her away to give birth in Scotland. He abandoned them and left them to fend for themselves. The young maid eventually returned with her child and complained to me of their plight. I was so disgusted and ashamed. I met him and relayed what I was told, but this time, he blatantly denied the act even though there was glaring evidence against him.

“It was at that point that I decided to move out of our chambers, since my husband, who I had thought was just flawed, was devilish to an unimaginable extent. When he saw I was leaving, he finally confessed his wrongdoing, begging me to return. But my mind was made up, and this time it was sealed shut with resolve.

“I moved to a different wing of the mansion. All his attempts to woo me failed. I was too riddled with guilt to appreciate his efforts. To ease my emotional torment, I turned to the bottle, getting roaring drunk every night that he was revulsed enough not to attempt intimacy with me. It was unfortunate that during my Season, I made a lot of friends, but when I was in distress, it dawned on me that they were just superficial connections at best.

“It was during that period that I met someone, a man. He was young, tilted, just out of Oxford, and wanted to sow his wild oats. I was aware that he was just interested in chasing pleasure, but I did not care, since I thought that was what I wanted or needed at the time to numb my pain. He introduced me to a world of hedonism that I never knew existed. Soon I was lost in the countless erotic parties he threw. Sometimes I went weeks at a time without returning home. I believed I was living my best life, and I quite enjoyed the look of rage on your father’s face when I returned. Seeing him jealous fed my ego and hunger for revenge.

“Over time, my libertine ways caught up with me when I found out I was with child. The thought of bringing a child into my reckless, fast-paced life gave me a moment of clarity, and for those few months of pregnancy, I was sober. I returned to your father and was surprised to see that he had changed. He looked older and seemed to have abandoned his old ways.

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