Page 116 of Last Light

Eleven

THE NEXT MORNING DAWNShot and sticky, and I still have that same knot of dread in my belly.

It’s strange to get ready and eat breakfast surrounded by a crowd.

Five is a lot more than one. A group is a lot different than just Travis.

I tell myself to deal with it without wishing for something else, and I chat softly with Anna as we get dressed.

When I was in ninth grade, she felt like an adult to me. But now she seems close to my age. She treats me like a companion rather than a former student, and I’m pretty sure she could be a real friend if we ever got the chance.

Travis talks mostly to Mack. I catch him looking at me a couple of times, and once he reaches out to touch my arm. But mostly he ignores me.

I tell myself to deal with that too.

This is what the world offers now.

Nothing good is going to last.

We load up and get an early start. Travis, the dog, and I ride in the Jeep, and the others pile into Mack’s large pickup. Since both vehicles can drive off road, we’ve planned a route that should cross the path that the caravan is taking. They’ll be moving a lot slower than us, so we can probably beat them to the intersection. At that point, Mack and the others can take off on their own to try to track down Maria and her group in West Virginia.

Part of me wonders if I should go with them. Maybe I’d be happier with the women than I would be with the remnants of Meadows.

The only option I had before was to find my town. But now I have another choice. Stay with Anna and join Maria’s group.

I’m not used to having options, and I’m not sure which one would be best.

It’s not like I’ll really be with Travis in either scenario.

I think about it as we drive in silence.

I can’t see myself leaving him. Not now. Not yet.

But how will I feel when he finds Cheryl and decides he wants to be with her again?

How will I feel when his life becomes something other than me?

I know he likes me.

And he certainly likes having sex with me.

And he’s going to do his duty by me, no matter what.

But when his duty is done, when we reach the survivors of our town, there’s not going to be anything holding us together.

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