Page 127 of Last Light

“I guess not. But I have learned a couple of things since the world fell apart. And one of them is this. If you love someone, you better hold on to them as tight as you can.”

I suck in a ragged breath and exhale slowly, trying to release a new surge of emotion.

I want more than anything to hold on to Travis—as tight as he’ll let me.

But I’m not allowed to do so, not unless he wants to hold on to me too.

***

THE DAY FOLLOWS LIKEthe morning. Strange and frustrating and annoyingly slow. I spend most of the morning with Anna. We ride in the pickup with Mack and catch up on our lives.

I make a point of not always looking around for Travis to see what’s he’s doing or who he’s with. I figure I’ll be happier not knowing.

It’s only midafternoon when the caravan stops for the day. It’s just one more frustration—that we stop with at least three more travelable hours left of the day. There is a decent reason. We’ve reached a good, safe shelter. An abandoned hotel that will serve to house all of us for the night. It’s a small, out-of-the-way building—two stories with exterior exits to the rooms. And it’s secluded, surrounded by woods. We’re not likely to find a safer place to spend the night, so it makes sense that we stop when we do.

But it proves that I don’t want to remain with this caravan.

They don’t even have a clear destination yet. They’re just trying to get out of the region with the dangerous gangs of ruffians so they’ll be safer.

I tell Mack about the little towns Travis and I went through that suffered from the earthquake damage. There were a lot of them. And a lot of gas and food and supplies still available there. It might be a good place for the caravan to settle, at least temporarily. We hadn’t seen any large groups of any kind the whole time we were there.

Mack seems interested and says he’ll talk to the others—whoever is making decisions for the group.

I don’t like that either. That, if I stay with them, I won’t have a say on where I go or what happens to me.

People are settling in rooms of the hotel, but I don’t feel like being cooped up for the rest of the day and all night, so I don’t go inside yet. There are still hours left of daylight, and guards are already set up around the perimeter.

When the dog runs up with a lolling tongue and hopeful expression, I find a downed tree branch and break off a good-sized stick.

I throw it to the dog a few times. As always, he brings it back right away to begin with. It’s only later that he decides he’d rather lie down and chew it.

I know there are people milling around, but I feel alone for the first time in two days, and I enjoy it.

“Hey.”

The mild voice surprises me since I was thinking I was alone. I turn to see Travis standing a few feet away from me, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.

I say, “Hey.”

“You wanna take a walk?” His eyes are grave. Just slightly uncertain. “Maybe we can talk.”

My heart jumps into my throat. He wants to talk. He knows how I’m feeling. He’s finally going to let me down gently.

I don’t want to have that conversation. It’s the last thing in the world I want to do. But I don’t have it in me to say no to Travis when he asks me like that.

“Okay.”

“Heard a couple blue jays in the woods,” he says, still no trace of a smile on his face. “Maybe we could find ’em.”

“That sounds good. I haven’t seen blue jays in ages.”

We walk side by side into the woods, and the dog follows right behind us, still carrying his stick.

Travis listens and then walks in the direction of the faint squawking we hear. We find the birds easily. Three of them. Perched on a couple of branches. Two of them fly off at our appearance, but one of them cocks his head and peers at us inquisitively.

I’m so excited by the bright little eyes and the colorful feathers that I grab for Travis’s arm unconsciously.

I don’t know how it happens. I really don’t.

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