Page 33 of Last Light

“Uh.”

“You smell just fine.” He turns around and searches through a pile on the floor.

I stare at his back and his butt for a minute with a weird mix of pleasure and disbelief.

I don’t smell fine. I smell like anyone would who’s been out in the heat for days without deodorant.

But maybe he thinks about my scent the way I think about his. Present but not really unpleasant. Familiar. Triggering some bone-deep instinct of possession.

No sense in worrying about deodorant anyway. Even if I found some, it wouldn’t last very long and then I’d end up stinking again.

I step over a pile of feminine-hygiene products and nearly kick a box of condoms.

I stare down at it.

I almost—almost—reach down and take it.

I’d like to have sex.

I’d like to have sex with Travis.

Our wrestling match earlier made that perfectly clear to me.

I would really enjoy it.

I’ve never had sex before.

I was only sixteen when the world went to shit, and I’ve only had one boyfriend since. Peter and I would have gotten there if we’d been given the chance, but he died before he got past third base.

And there hasn’t been anyone since. Not that I haven’t had offers. I’ve had plenty. And a lot of advances that went far beyond offers. But I never wanted to hook up with some guy just to hold on to him, just to stay safe, just to have a man.

Travis is different.

I want to have sex with him because I want sex. With him.

He’s made it clear he’s never going to make a move on me. But earlier today I discovered that he’s at least somewhat attracted to me.

So maybe sex is a possibility.

I almost take the condoms.

But I don’t.

Things are going well between Travis and me right now, and I don’t want to screw them up by misreading signals.

Maybe his erection was just an erection. It doesn’t mean he wants me for me.

And besides...

We have far more important things to think about right now than sex.

All the people we care about are in danger. Nothing matters except getting to Fort Knox soon enough to save them.

I leave the condoms on the floor as we get ready to go.

“You okay?” Travis shakes out a plastic bag he picked up from the floor and starts putting what we found in it.

“Yeah.” I smile at him. “I’m just fine.”

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