Page 68 of Princess

“You should have seen me at the end of the trip,” Layne says, laughing again as she’s finishing her story. She laughs more than anyone I’ve ever met. “I was an emotional wreck, not knowing how he felt about me. There he was, totally gone on me and convinced it was obvious for anyone to see, and I had no idea at all. I had no one to go to for advice about relationships. It was just me—barely twenty-one years old and having been with no one else my entire life and trying to figure it out all by myself. I was tying myself into knots about how much I loved him and thinking he didn’t love me back and actually convincing myself he was going to get back together with his ex!”

It’s then. Just then. It hits me like a blow.

My shoulders shake, and my face scrunches up, and I start to cry.

“Oh my God,” Layne breathes. “Oh my God.”

“I’m sorry,” I choke out, trying to wipe the tears off my face and smile at her at the same time. I’m mortified by the breakdown but can’t seem to help it. “I’m so sorry. I have no idea what’s wrong with me.”

“If it was my ramblings about Travis that did you in, I’d guess that what’s wrong is probably man troubles.”

I nod. Of course that’s what it is. Her description of her worries is so similar to the way I feel myself. Only I don’t have a fully devoted Travis who openly adores me. Just a tight-lipped asshole who is perfectly happy to leave me alone all day long.

“Do you have anyone to talk it all through with?”

I shake my head. I know I’m not entirely alone. I have a few women I might trust. Like Mary. But for some reason I’ve never been able to bring it up with her.

She wanted me to get together with poor Noah. Maybe she knew how hard a relationship with a man like Grant would be.

“Then talk to me,” Layne goes on. “I know I’m a stranger, but sometimes it’s easier to tell a stranger. I can’t promise to give you great advice, but you might feel better just getting it out.”

I sniff and clear my throat and wipe my face and straighten up. “It’s a mess.”

“It’s always a mess. I don’t know much, but I know that much at least. Your man is that big, blue-eyed one who’s in charge of everyone, right?”

“He’s not really in charge—” I break off the objection before I get it out. Whatever his official position is, Grant will always instinctively draw authority. “Yeah, that’s him. When did you see him?”

“He was leaving as Travis and I were arriving earlier. Travis pointed him out. He’s really good-looking.”

“Yeah,” I agree mournfully. “He is.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“We’re together. I mean, by any estimation, I guess we’re together. A couple.”

“You love him?”

I’m not sure I’ve ever fully admitted it to myself before, but I do to Layne. The answer is so simple. So obvious. “Yes. I’m completely in love with him. But I have no idea how he feels about me.”

To my relief, Layne takes me seriously. She frowns and thinks for a minute. “He hasn’t told you?”

“No. He’s never said he loves me or even that he likes me. I’m happy to be with him. Really I am. And I’m not expecting some kind of silly fairy tale. But not knowing how he feels keeps making me… insecure. I can’t just go with it. I’m always questioning everything.”

“Well, that’s perfectly normal. You should be able to feel secure in your relationship, and it’s not silly to want that. Some guys don’t want to blurt out their feelings even if they’re feeling a lot. Travis didn’t want to. It took him getting shot for him to get it out.”

I laugh softly, dryly, at this. “Grant got shot. And he still didn’t say anything.”

“Well, whathashe said to you? I mean, about how he feels. Maybe that will give us a clue.”

I blush hotly. I can remember every single thing Grant has ever said to me that even hints at feelings. Word for word. But saying them out loud is different from reliving them over and over again in my mind.

But I make myself begin. “Well, he clarified that things were good between us. He asked if they were good, and I said they were. That was just a couple of weeks ago.”

“Okay. That sounds like a good sign—that he cares about the state of your relationship. What else?”

“He said I’m everything to him.”

“Oh my! He said it just like that. You’re everything to me?”

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