Page 24 of Embers

“Rachel!” He sounds a little closer now.

That same part of my mind—the small, distant one that somehow knows I can think and speak and do things—starts screaming at me. It screams and screams and screams until I can finally get my throat to work. “I’m here.” The words come out hoarse and broken. Too soft for anyone to hear.

“Rachel!” He’s even closer now. Maybe he’s walking down the driveway. He can’t be that far away. I only took several steps to get to this godforsaken firepit.

“Cal!” I manage to force out. It’s not loud, but it’s better than the first try. “Cal! I’m here.”

“Rachel?” He’s not in sight, but it feels like he heard me. After a few seconds, he adds, “Call out again. I can’t find you.” His voice breaks on the last two words.

I muster all the energy I have left and try to channel it into my voice. “I’m here! Here!”

I sure hope that’s enough because I’m not sure my throat will work anymore. It feels like tears are freezing on my face.

Without warning, Cal’s big body is busting through the trees toward me. He makes a lot of noise. It feels like his presence vibrates the air painfully.

I’m choking on sobs of relief as he kneels down beside me. “Oh fuck, baby. What did you do?” He sounds real. Full of emotion. As broken as I am.

“I didn’t…” I’m gurgling and trying to flail again, but I just can’t get myself up. “I didn’t mean to.”

He keeps muttering “Oh fuck” as he quickly removes the rocks on top of me and then pulls me up into his arms and cradles me as he carries me out of the woods and back up the driveway.

I’m still in that weird blurry daze, but I know enough to cling to him desperately. Nearly every part of my body hurts, and what doesn’t hurt is scarily numb. My teeth are chattering so hard it hurts my jaw.

As soon as we get back into the cabin, the warm air seems to attack me. I whimper and gasp and struggle in his grip.

He doesn’t let me go. He takes me to his bed, positioned like mine right near the woodstove, pulls off my gloves, hat, scarf, and coat and then starts to rub my hands and forearms.

I can’t feel anything in them. Not even him touching them.

I shiver and sniff. I’m too sleepy to sob, which is what I really want to do. I keep trying to get away from him, and I don’t even know why.

I try to say something but can’t. I can’t do anything. I should be feeling things right now, but I don’t.

So I close my eyes and stop fighting. I’m not even shivering anymore.

“No, no, no, no, no, baby,” Cal mutters hoarsely. “Don’t you dare do that.” He moves his hands up to rub at my face and neck. “Don’t you dare go to sleep.”

So I stay awake after all. I try to anyway. If only because Cal sounds so absolutely desperate and I don’t like him to be so upset.

After a minute, he stops rubbing at me, so I open my eyes to see what he’s doing. He’s stood up and is shucking his coat, hat, and shoes. Then he climbs into the bed with me and spoons me from behind, surrounding my body with his big, warm one.

He reaches around and keeps rubbing my hands.

After a few minutes, I start to shiver again.

“There you go,” he murmurs, his voice right near my ear. “You’re going to be okay. You have to be okay.”

“My ankle really hurts,” I manage to say. I can feel it again now, and it’s throbbing like it’s furious.

“I know. I’ll work on it in a minute, but I’ve got to get you warm first.”

My teeth are chattering again now too, and I hate it. I hate everything. A few sobs tighten in my throat.

“Don’t even think about falling asleep, baby. This is all my fault. I know it is. You can hate me for it, but I’m not gonna let you leave me.”

I start to cry for real.

At least he’s talking to me now. At least it sounds like he really does want me around.

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