Page 40 of Embers

“Yeah. I like it so much.”

“Feels like you need to come. You’re hot and wet already.”

“Yeah.” I clutch at his shoulders, my vision blurring over as he penetrates me with two fingers. “Yeah, I am. Need to come. So bad.”

When he begins to finger-fuck me, I come in less than a minute, hanging on to his neck and crying out loudly as the pleasure spasms through me. He doesn’t stop with that. He keeps it up until I come two more times. Then I fumble in his pants until I can get my fingers around his cock, and I bring him to climax too.

He comes with a loud bellow. It echoes against the rocky slopes around us.

I keep holding on to him afterward, wanting to feel his arms around me. But after a minute, something changes in his body. I can feel it and drop my arms, even before he heaves himself to his feet.

He doesn’t meet my eyes.

“Cal, it wasn’t wrong.” What the hell else can I say?

He drops his pants and gets under the waterfall, still wearing his boxers. He soaps up in quick swipes. “What would Derek say if he could see us right now?”

I gulp since the question actually hurts me. “Derek is gone.”

“But what would he say?” He bites out the words.

“He loved us. Both of us. He’d want us to be happy. So I think he’d probably—”

“Be fine with his dad screwing around with his girl? Touching her. Making her come. Letting her put her hands on his cock? You seriously think he’d be okay with it?”

I was so happy—satisfied—just a minute ago. Now it’s all falling apart without warning. “It’s not fair to even ask that question, Cal. When Derek was alive, things were different. They’re not the same now. I’m not the same person, and neither are you.”

“I’m still his dad.” He’s scrubbing shampoo into his hair like he’s trying to claw something out of his brain. “You’re still his girl.”

“I’m not his girl! He’s gone. We loved him, but he’s gone, and he’s been gone for three long years. I’myourgirl now!”

He whirls toward me, wet and nearly naked and scowling fiercely. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.”

“Why not? It’s true.” I’m scared again the way I was yesterday. But I’m also unexpectedly angry. “Is Derek really the problem here? Or is it something else?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He rinses out the shampoo and grabs his towel from the rock where he left it.

“I’m talking about this irrational guilt you’ve got going on. You think because of whatever bad things you’ve done in the past, you don’t deserve to be happy. So anytime you get close to being happy, you push me away. Like I’m to blame for you feeling guilty.”

“I don’t blame you for anything! I’ve never blamed you.”

“Don’t you? Because you sure as hell make me pay for it. I get you have issues, Cal. Everyone does. But we’ve got something real here, and you keep treating it like trash. I don’t give a fuck what you did in the past. You’re the person you are right now. That’s the person I want. The whole world has been on fire. It ravages everything, leaving nothing but smoking embers, but you and I haven’t burned up. We’re still here, and we have the right to live the lives we have now. You don’t have to keep punishing yourself. It’s okay for you to be happy.”

I’m not sure where all that comes from. Maybe the coalescence of everything that’s been stewing inside me for the past year. But I know it’s true. I know exactly what’s driving Cal right now and why it leads him to keep pushing me away.

And I hate it. I can’t stand for him to keep letting it happen.

But I make a mistake after all. I never should have said all that. He slams closed like a portcullis. I can see it happen on his face. Even his eyes turn off.

“That’s not what this is about,” he says coolly, drying off quickly and pulling on his shirt and trousers.

“I think maybe it is. But I’m sorry if I pushed too far. We can—”

“We don’t need to keep talking about it.”

And that’s it. That’s his final word. I can hear it in his tone. See it in the stiff coldness of his expression.

I went too far. Tried for too much. And now I’m going to end up with nothing.

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