Page 54 of Embers

“Baby, you asked. You asked!” His voice is still soft, but it’s rough. Almost passionate. “And this is how I feel. I’ve been livin’ with this constant war inside me. Like I’d fight the whole world to keep you, but I’m still a fuckin’ selfish bastard for lettin’ you stay. Or for not takin’ off and lettin’ you live the life you deserve. ’Cause sometimes I feel like that’d be the best thing for you. The rightest thing. Me leavin’. Settin’ you free. So you’re not trapped anymore.”

I understand the grief I saw in his eyes. It’s making sense to me now. This is bigger than one of our regular arguments.

This is literally life-changing.

I’m so close to tears that my throat has closed up and my eyes are burning, but I push past the emotion. “You’re not trapping me, Cal. I make my own choices. I know plenty of other guys now. And I’m sure at least a few of them might be interested in me. I could have another man if I wanted one. But I don’t want another man. I want you.” I take his face in my hands again, feeling like I’m barely holding him together. “I love you, Cal. I love you.”

He makes a rough sound in his throat. His whole body shakes.

“I love you, Cal.” I’ve never said it before although I’ve felt it for a long time. I have to speak it now. They might be the only words with the power to change his mind. Keep him here with me where he belongs. “And I’m never going to stop loving you.”

“Baby, please.”

“You can’t stop me. You can’t push me away. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Cal. I’ve committed myself to you. I’m yours for the rest of our lives. That’s just the way it is.”

He reaches out toward me. Gathers my loose hair in his hand and holds on. “Baby.”

“So you can work through whatever you need to work through. I can be patient if you need me to be. But you’re not going to get rid of me, Cal. You’re never getting rid of me. I’m yours right now. This minute. And I’m always going to be yours.”

I’m not sure what I expect. I still feel a heavy foreboding, warning me of disaster to come. But he doesn’t keep arguing or push me away or roll out of bed and walk away.

He pulls me toward me in a hard, hungry kiss.

I kiss him back, winding my arms around him tightly. I’m almost crying into the kiss, but it doesn’t matter. Both of us are on the last threads of our emotional control. We kiss like we’re starving for each other until he finally rolls me over onto my back and moves over me.

I’m wearing a little knit gown tonight, but he doesn’t bother taking it off. He pushes it up enough to get his hands on my body. He caresses me all over, even as he tries to keep kissing me.

Tears are streaming from my eyes and sliding down the sides of my face, but I’m also aroused as quickly as he is. I’m arching up into him, my hands clawing at his back and ass.

He doesn’t have the patience he normally has. He doesn’t bring me to orgasm first with his fingers or mouth. He fumbles with his cock until he’s pulled it out of his underwear, and then he’s pushing his way into my pussy.

I’m already wet and needy and ready for him. I let out a little sob as he thrusts himself home.

“Fuck, baby.” His lips are still skating over my mouth, my face. “You sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yes, yes, please! I want you so much. I love you so much!”

He makes another one of those guttural sounds, his whole body shaking a few times as he buries his face against my neck. His cock moves inside me, making me whimper, but there’s so much more going on in my heart.

When he gets control of himself, he starts to fuck me for real, pushing with his most natural rhythm—hard and fast and just on the edge of rough.

It’s my rhythm too. It’s exactly what I need. I rock beneath him, matching his thrusts with my hips and holding on to his ass cheeks as the muscles clench with his motion.

He’s losing it already. I can feel it in his body. See it in the frantic need on his face. He’s grunting like an animal, occasionally saying, “Rachel” and “Baby.”

I’m sobbing as an orgasm builds inside me, and it breaks before I expect it to. I lift my head and bite his shoulder as the spasms wrack me, afraid I’ll cry out so loudly other people will hear.

He comes too. Just after me. He tries to stifle his bellow of release as his body jerks through his climax.

He’s always pulled out just before the end. He’s always in control of himself enough to make sure we don’t get pregnant.

But he doesn’t do it this time. He comes in several hard spurts inside me.

And I love it. I want it. It makes me cry for real.

When he’s worked through his release, he gathers me tightly in his arms and rolls us over onto our sides. We’re still tangled together, clothes disarranged. I’m very wet between my legs, and he hasn’t managed to fully withdraw his softening cock from inside me.

It doesn’t matter. This is as close as we’ve ever been. All our walls finally rubble at our feet.

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