Page 37 of Embers

“You can join us too, if you’d like. We can keep you safe. You won’t have to rely on a man.” Her cool gaze flickers over to Cal, whom she has clearly recognized is attached to me. “They take advantage. We won’t.”

I stand up so I can move next to Cal. I think I could probably trust this woman, but I don’t like her instinctively the way I did Mack and Anna. And I don’t like how she’s looking at Cal. “He doesn’t take advantage of me.”

“Sometimes we don’t even recognize it until we’re already trapped.” It’s startling how completely unfazed she is about saying this kind of thing right in front of Cal and Mack.

Cal is a couple of inches away from me now, but I can feel tense vibes radiating off him. He’s hearing what she’s saying about him. About us. And he’s upset by it.

“I’m not trapped. He’s always treated me right and taken care of me.” I jump to Cal’s defense, not just because I believe in it. But also because I need him to know I believe in it. Inhim.

“Men might take care of you, but there will always be strings. We’ll help you without any.” Maria looks quickly over to Cal and then back to me. “How old are you? Eighteen? Twenty?”

“Twenty-one. What does it matter?”

“Are you telling me that you’d choose to hook up with this man had circumstances not forced you into it?”

I gasp, outraged by the implication. “He’s never forced me to do anything!”

“I’m not saying he forced you. Circumstances often do that for us. Think about who you were before Impact. Is this the kind of man you’d choose to partner with if all your choices were free? If you have any doubts or hesitations, come with us now. And even if you don’t, one day you might wake up and realize your man isn’t who you believe him to be in this moment. If that happens, you’ll always be welcome to join us later.”

I start to argue, but there isn’t any use. She’s obviously read my answer in my face and defensive stance. She nods at the other women behind her, and they fall into rank, moving away from the truck.

Anna picks up her bag and climbs out. She turns quickly toward Mack. “Okay. Well.” Her face twists with feeling.

I step away before they say any more since the interaction feels private. I’m still jittery from my conversation with Maria. I’m sure she does good, and I’m sure a lot of women need it.

But I’m so afraid of how Cal is going to react to what she said.

He won’t even meet my eyes right now.

He’s been enjoying the way we are with each other at night. He gets into it as much as I do. Once he decided to touch me, he put his earlier hesitations aside.

But those hesitations were real, and now they might all come back.

8

We dropoff Mack with some friends of his that aren’t too far out of our way since he no longer has a working vehicle. We agree to keep in touch by leaving notes in a prearranged spot. Mack evidently travels around the region, offering help to people who need it, and he often needs assistance.

Assistance that Cal and I can offer.

I’d be willing to help for free—the way we did for Mack and Anna—but Cal insists we need to get paid in goods if we’re going to get in the habit of risking our lives.

It makes sense. Time we spend on jobs for other people is time taken away from us providing for ourselves. One way or another, Cal and I need to have enough to live on.

I’m happy we met Mack and Anna. And I’m happy we now have the opportunity to offer more help to people who need it. But neither of those equal the weight of dread that grows in my gut as Cal and I drive back home.

He’s silent.

That’s not necessarily a bad sign since he often doesn’t feel like talking, but the nature of his silence is bleak, forbidding.

He’s still thinking about what Maria said to me. He’s taking it to heart.

Everything between us might change yet again—and this time not for the better.

As we make our way up the mountain, I keep getting tenser, hugging my arms to my belly and desperately devising methods of stemming the tidal wave that’s about to crash over me.

I know Cal has the right to decide whatever he wants for himself and his relationships, but I don’t want him to pull away again. I couldn’t stand for that to happen.

It feels weird getting back after so many days, but everything is the same as we left it. The chickens are all still fine since we left them enough food and water. They flap around frantically, giving us a big guilt trip, but they don’t seem any worse for wear. And our cabin is exactly the same—just a little musty-smelling after being closed up for so long.

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