Page 17 of Hero

He looks… fine. Physically relaxed from the release he had and not hurt or disappointed by my response.

He’s got nothing invested in this except some sex he didn’t expect.

That’s good. That’s what I need.

I’ve got far too many things to worry about without adding an awkward sexual relationship with my former step-uncle into the mix.

“Okay. I’m going to bed now.”

“Try to get some sleep.”

“You too.”

There. That’s it. I tiptoe back into the bedroom. Rina is still sleeping beneath her covers, clinging to the new doll I got her.

Buddy is still curled up at the foot of my bed, snoring softly.

I join him in the bed, and it only takes a minute for me to fall asleep.

3

The next fewweeks pass without excitement. My haul from town was so good I don’t need to make another scavenging trip right away. I work in our garden, gathering the last of this year’s vegetables while Zed fishes at the river, working to catch enough to get us through winter. Rina tries to help and plays with Buddy and appears as sunny-natured as ever.

At least she’s not a worrier like me.

I try not to think about having sex with Zed, intentionally pushing it out of my mind whenever the memory pops back up. It’s hard though. The visual of his tense face, twisting with effort and pleasure, materializes in my mind far too often. The feel of his big hands on my body. His cock pushing hard inside me. The ache in my lungs and between my legs as I worked my body against his.

It’s highly distracting, and I go through such mental gymnastics to forget it that the memory becomes a hot, hazy blur.

Zed never mentions it. Doesn’t act any different with me. He used to do nothing but tease me when his brother first married my mother. He seemed to know exactly what would annoy me most and would constantly poke at me for studying all the time, for taking life too seriously, for never hanging out with friends, for not having any fun. After Impact, when we were all piled together in this cabin, he had his hands full with taking care of Marie and helping to keep us all alive, but he’d still occasionally tease me—enough that I knew he hadn’t really changed.

After our families started dying, the teasing mostly stopped. For the past couple of years, he’s mostly been bossy and practical, and that’s how I’ve grown to expect him. He doesn’t tease me about the sex. He doesn’t even mention it. As far as I can tell, he’s forgotten it even happened.

That’s probably for the best. We’re not family, but we’re closer to that than anything else. And family is not supposed to have sex.

I can’t even figure out why I wanted to do it that night. Some weird urge prompted by desperation and the need for human contact. Maybe it’s natural. Biological. Whatever it was doesn’t have to happen again.

That one time unsettled my tentative emotional stability, so it would be foolish to risk it again.

Rina and I are working in the garden one afternoon while Zed is still down at the river. It’s an unseasonably warm afternoon, and there aren’t any clouds to block the sun. The haze that’s covered the sky since Impact has almost dissipated. It’s a good thing. It means the planet is recovering. But I’m dripping with sweat at the moment, and Rina’s cheeks are too pink. We don’t have any suntan lotion, and she’s got her mother’s fair skin and strawberry blond hair.

At the moment, she’s leaning over, counting all the weeds she’s pulling up. “Thirty-six. Thirty-seven. Thirty-eight. Thirty-nine.”

I’ve been trying to teach her the basics—at least what a kindergartner would have learned. She picks it up pretty easily, and she likes to practice and show off her skill.

I say, “Forty!” at the same time she does. Then I add, “You did great with those weeds. I think Buddy is getting hot though, so why don’t you go pour him some water and maybe you two can sit in the shade for a while so he doesn’t overdo it.”

The dog doesn’t appear at any risk of overdoing it. He’s stretched out on his side on the dirt, keeping his eye on the activity while doing as little as possible. But Rina takes my words seriously and calls Buddy into the house to get some water.

I smile as I watch the two of them jogging inside, Rina explaining to Buddy that it’s not good to get too hot so after they get water they need to sit in the shade.

I’m not by nature a maternal person. I never played house or spent a lot of time on dolls when I was a girl, and I always daydreamed about a career rather than being a mom. I’m not the best person to give Rina the womanly influence she probably needs, but I’m all she’s got right now.

Maybe Zed will find another woman eventually. He’s only thirty-one, and he’s clearly still got a sex drive. He’d probably love to find an enthusiastic bedmate and a better mom for his daughter.

The idea of this fictional woman appearing on the scene and taking Zed and Rina away forms a hard lump in my throat, threatening to choke me, so I do some of my mental maneuvering to force it from my mind.

I’ve been forcing a lot from my mind lately. It’s probably not healthy. But what the hell else can I do? If I get upset, I can’t do the work necessary to survive, and all three of us will pay for it.

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