Page 4 of Hero

The world is rawer, dirtier, cruder than it used to be. I must be growing accustomed to it because body odor doesn’t faze me anymore.

When I step back, holding on to a tree for support so I don’t need to hold on to Zed, he eyes me up and down. “What did you do to yourself?”

“I told you. I twisted my ankle.”

“Why the hell are you out here by yourself?” He still doesn’t sound angry. Just faintly baffled. He doesn’t care enough about me to get mad about my choices.

“I was taking a walk.”

“Don’t go by yourself again.”

“I will go by myself.”

“It’s not safe anymore. Anything could happen. You almost got mauled by a coyote.”

“I did not almost get mauled!” I try to keep my temper, since he used to be pleased when I reacted to his teasing. But this is outrageous. I’m not going to accept it. “I could have taken care of it. I didn’t need you showing up and trying to play hero.”

“I’m the last guy to try to play hero.” His mouth quirks up, like he’s hiding a laugh.

At me, no doubt.

“If I ever wanted a hero, you’d be the last on my list, but I don’t want a hero to save me. I can take care of myself.”

“We heard the shot,” he explains, “so I came to see what it was. Next time, if you have a shot, take it. You hesitate, you die.”

“I wasn’t going to die. And I’m sorry if I’m not all enthusiastic about killing desperate animals.”

“Do you think I am? I never even liked hunting. It doesn’t matter anymore. We need to do things now we don’t like. We don’t have the luxury of choices like that anymore.”

“I don’t need a lecture from you. I was working hard to make something of my life when you were still lounging in your recliner with a six-pack of beer.”

“Sure. But that was then. This is now. Spending your life studying isn’t going to help you anymore. We’ve all got to change.”

“I have changed.”

“Not enough.” He reaches out to put an arm around me, and I shy away instinctively. He shakes his head. Rolls his eyes. “Case in point. I’m trying to help you so we can get out of here, and you’re too stubborn to take the help I’m offering.”

“I’m not—” I break off the words because even I can hear they’re ridiculous.

I’ve never been stubborn for the sake of being stubborn, but I’ve always been determined to stand on my own feet and manage things myself. Even if it makes life harder, I’m still trying to hold on to that instinct.

Biting my lower lip, I step back to his side and let him slide an arm around my waist. I lean on him just enough to manage walking.

I really wish the person who found me wasn’t him.

“I know you don’t like me, Esther,” he says in a quieter voice. “You don’t have to constantly prove it to me.”

“I’m not trying to prove it to you. But if you don’t like someone, it doesn’t magically go away just because it would be convenient.” I take a deep breath. Attempt to be mature and reasonable. “I’ll try to be nicer.”

“I don’t give a damn if you’re nice to me. Just don’t put yourself at risk because you refuse to take my help. I told you I’m no hero, but none of us can make it on our own anymore.”

“Okay. Fine.” My stomach churns with nerves, uncertainty, a strange kind of fear. I don’t like feeling unsettled this way. I don’t like not feeling in control of my world.

There’s very little under my control anymore. One of the few things I have left is the way I act and the words I say.

We limp along together, Zed pushing tree branches out of the way as we go. And my mind spirals down in a progression of fears and anxieties. So many things that can go wrong. So many things I can’t keep from happening.

“Stop it,” Zed mutters sharply after a few minutes.

---