Page 48 of Hero

“I’m not scaring Rina. And I’m not tying myself into knots.” His eyes narrow. He’s having less success now in swallowing down his annoyance at me.

“Well, you’re doing something, and it’s not like you at all. I’m supposed to be the anxious one. You’re supposed to be—”

“I’m supposed to be what,” he grits out when I break off my words.

I shake my head. “You’re not usually this uptight. I understand being on guard, but can you at least try to put on a better face for Rina? Maybe after you get some sleep tonight, you’ll feel—”

“I’m not planning to sleep tonight.”

“Damn it, Zed! What’s the matter with you? You’ve got to get some rest.”

“I’ll rest when we’re safe.”

“We might not be safe! Not for a while. You still need to take care of yourself so you can take care of us—of Rina, I mean. We’ll be okay in that room upstairs. We can barricade the door and defend ourselves if anyone comes by.”

He breathes loudly for a minute, holding my gaze and clearly displeased with me. “Someone needs to stand watch.”

“Fine. We’ll take turns. I’ll take the first watch today since you didn’t even bother waking me up last night.”

“I’m not going to let you—”

“You don’t get to make decisions for me. Especially since you can’t make good decisions for yourself at the moment. You need to take your own advice to me every time I have an anxiety spiral. Try to let go as much as you can.”

“I can’t let go right now,” he says thickly. “This isn’t the same thing.”

“Maybe not, but we’re still in a situation we can’t control, and you’re holding on so tight it’s just going to make things worse.” I reach out and put a hand on his chest, feeling almost desperate to try to get through to him. “Please, Zed.”

He jerks away with an awkward step.

It really hurts my feelings, but I try not to react. “Zed—”

“Just stop it.”

I’m so angry and upset I hug my arms to my chest tightly. I can’t speak for a minute. Then I finally say gently, “Rina is getting a bed ready to sleep in. She wants us to tuck her in.”

“You can do that.”

“She wants you to do it too.”

“I can’t—”

“You can at least fucking kiss your own daughter good night,” I snap. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Zed stares at me in astonishment.

I don’t normally lash out like that. Not even verbally. But he’s driving me crazy right now. I take a breath. “I’m going to stretch my legs. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“You can’t go wandering off—”

“I’m walking a few houses down. I have my gun. I’m not doing anything stupid.” I snarl at him. “Certainly not any stupider than you’re being right now.”

I mutter that last thing as I walk away.

Despite my anger, I’m definitely not going to do anything to put me or Zed or Rina at risk. So I’m as good as my word and just walk partway down the block, sticking close to the houses although there’s no sign of another soul around.

The time alone helps me contain my emotions, and I’m feeling calmer and more reasonable when I start back.

As soon as I approach the house, I know something’s wrong. I can feel it in the air.

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