Page 51 of Hero

“Yeah. There should be some variety about who we might settle with. Before you showed up that day, they were telling me about a group of women fighters who travel around helping people. Both Anna and Rachel were part of that group for a while.”

He lifts his eyebrows. “You interested in joining them?”

“No. No, of course not. There’s no way I’m leaving you and Rina. I just thought they sounded cool.”

“Yeah. Sounds like there are some good people around here. We’ll be okay.”

I study his face. It’s calm, unrevealing, but his tone is more resigned than confident. “Are you worried at all?” I ask very softly.

He shifts his gaze to meet mine. “Are you serious? I’m scared shitless.”

Letting out a breath, I smile a little. “Me too.”

“I know I was scaring Rina for the first couple of days, so I’ve been trying to tamp it down. But I still feel the exact same way. I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life.”

Maybe it isn’t rational, but his admission makes me feel so much better. I scoot over next to him. I haven’t rebraided my hair yet, but I set down my hairbrush and reach over to squeeze his arm. “Me too.”

He wraps his left arm around me, keeping his right one free to grab his gun if necessary. “You’re doing better than I am in handling it.”

“It’s funny.” I lean my head against his shoulder, taking comfort in the warmth of him, the feel of him, the earthy scent of him. “I’ve been anxious for so long about so many things, trying to get a mental hold of everything that’s likely to happen to us. But now that we’re actually doing it, I might be a little better. It’s always making the big decision that’s the hardest thing for me. Once it’s made, my mind kind of settles itself around it. I don’t know if that makes any sense.”

He plays with a bunch of my loose hair with his fingers. “We’re different. I always felt pretty good back at the cabin. Like I had things mostly under control and I could manage to take care of Rina and keep both of you safe. Maybe it wasn’t all that different there, but it felt that way. Out here, it’s all spiraling out of my control. I don’t know if I can do it.” His voice is soft, natural. But it thickens and breaks on the last few words.

My chest aches. I burrow against him. “Do what?”

He shifts to look down at my face, his voice slightly surprised as he says, “Take care of you. Protect you… you both. It feels like it’s my job. My main responsibility. And I can’t stand the idea that I…” He shakes his head and doesn’t finish the sentence.

I take a few shaky breaths, pulsing with emotions so intense I can barely process them. “It’s my responsibility too. To take care of myself. And help with Rina. You’re not doing it alone, Zed.”

“Yeah.” He’s staring back into the woods now, but he tilts his head down to rub his cheek against my hair. “I know. If I was doing it alone, I’d’ve had a breakdown for sure.”

I giggle at his dry tone and snuggle closer. I like sitting with him like this. It feels like we’re together.

For real.

Not just reluctant roommates.

But partners. A couple.

I never knew I wanted that before, but I do.

Ido.

“Well, we’re not there yet, but there’s a reasonable chance things will get better. If we can settle in one of those communities, we won’t be alone anymore. We’ll have other people. Maybe we can have some sort of decent life.”

“Yes. That’s what I’m hoping.”

“If we can do that, what kind of life would you want?” I’m not sure how I get the courage to ask the question. Just that it feels like we’re in a safe, intimate bubble right now that the rest of the world can’t penetrate.

“What kind of life?”

“Yes. What would you want for yourself?”

“Honestly, I don’t even know. I’ve never been very ambitious. Even before Impact, the main thing I wanted was to be able to take care of the people I love and enjoy life as much as I can.”

I smile, oddly affectionate. “You sure did a lot of hanging around watching sports and drinking beer back then.”

He laughs. “I was enjoying life. And I didn’t have many responsibilities. I did work hard at my job.”

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