Page 62 of Hero

It’s too much.

It hurts like a wound.

Nothing will ever be the same.

I’ve lost everything in the world that’s ever meant anything to me, and now I’m entirely alone.

Except for Buddy. He’s sitting like a good dog beside me and eyeing each bite I take, so I give him my last bite of bacon.

At least he hasn’t left me.

When the tears can’t be held back, I stand up abruptly, mumbling out an excuse about needing to stretch my legs.

I try to walk out at a normal pace, but a sob lodges in my throat. I half run, half stumble to the door so at least I don’t burst into tears in front of everyone.

Once I’m outside, I have no idea where I am. I came out a different door than I entered, and I haven’t gotten the layout of the town in my head yet. I don’t know which direction the little guesthouse is.

I don’t know this place at all.

There’s a bench a short distance away, and it’s empty. My legs aren’t holding me up anymore, so I head for the bench and collapse there. Buddy followed me out and whimpers at my feet.

I’m not a crier. I’ve never been one—and certainly not in public. But I have no home. Nowhere to go. And I’ve lost my family and am surrounded by strangers.

I lean over and sob into my knees.

There’s a vague background murmur from the sounds of the town waking up and going through their morning duties, but over it there are footsteps approaching. Moving fast and growing louder. Then my nose is hit with a familiar earthy scent.

Then I hear his voice. “Esther. Esther!”

Damn it all to hell. Zed must have followed me out here.

“I’m okay,” I choke out, still bent over and hiding my face. “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not. You’re falling apart.”

“No, I’m not!” I pick up my head and glare at him through the tears. “I’m not falling apart.”

He’s standing over me, gazing down, his expression stunned and aching and bewildered. “Stop it,” he bursts out.

I blink. “What?”

“Stop lying to me and tell me what the fuck is wrong.”

“What’s wrong? What’swrong?”

“Yes.” He squats down and cups my face with one hand, thumbing away some of the tears. “I thought you wanted… you wanted to be here.”

“I did. I mean, I think it’s the best place for… for you and Rina.” I suddenly realize what an emotional mess I’ve become. Zed is going to feel sorry for me, and that’s the last thing in the world I want. I shake away his hand and the rest of my tears and manage to say, “I’m really okay. I think it’s probably exhaustion. And all the changes. I’ll be fine.”

“Stop it,” he grits out again, this time low and almost fierce.

For some reason, it makes me so angry I jerk back with a scowl. “Stop telling me to stop it! I’m doing the best I can. I lost everything. Everyone I loved and everything I wanted in life. I’m allowed to deal with it the only way I can!”

Zed straightens up. Blinks at me a few times. “Wh-what?”

“If I want to pretend I’m okay when I’m not, then I’m allowed to do that! If you don’t want to be with me, you don’t get to act like I’m supposed to tell you the truth.”

“If I don’t want to…” He repeats the words in a rough whisper. He’s frozen, only his eyes moving, searching my face urgently. “What the hell is happening here?”

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