Page 33 of Hero

None of us are who we were before Impact.

I can’t imagine any sort of life without him anymore.

When I’ve mostly stopped trembling, I try to pull away. He doesn’t let me.

“I’m okay,” I mumble.

“You say that whether it’s true or not.”

“I know I do. But I mean it this time. I feel a little better.”

He loosens his arms and peers at my face some more when I step back.

“Thanks.” I clear my throat and twist my hands together. “Sorry about the breakdown.”

He shrugs. “If you wouldn’t try so hard to control everything, it might be easier on you.”

“I know that. But you can’t stop the workings of your mind just because you know rationally they’re not good for you.”

He nods. “But maybe you can encourage them to ease up a little.”

I giggle at that. Then I can’t stop.

“You having another breakdown?”

“I don’t think so, but what the hell do I know?”

“If nothing else, you know how to get in trouble.”

The light, teasing words remind me of something. I straighten up and peer at him in the dark. “By the way, don’t ever do that again.”

His brows draw together. “Do what?”

“Come after me like that. Put yourself in danger because you think I’m in danger. Don’t ever do that again.”

I expect him to make an annoyed face and let the topic go, but he doesn’t. “The hell I won’t!”

He looks so outraged it makes me feel guilty. “I don’t mean ever. I really do appreciate everything you’ve done to keep me safe. But your main responsibility is to Rina. Not to me. I can take care of myself and make my own decisions. She can’t. And coming after me this afternoon might have put Rina in danger.”

“Rina was fi—”

“I know she was fine, but what if you’d gotten shot? What if you got killed trying to save me? Then she would have been left all alone.”

I see the reality of this as a possibility flicker across his face. The helplessness of it. The merciless trap of it. “I wasn’t going to get shot.”

“You didn’t know that for sure. As careful as you try to be, you can’t control everything. So don’t ever put Rina in danger again trying to protect me. If it’s between the two of us, youhaveto choose her.” When I brought this topic up, I thought it would be one of my normal chastisements that Zed mostly shrugs off, but it’s somehow turned into an intense conversation. My voice breaks slightly.

Zed’s features twist again. Some sort of emotions he’s fighting to suppress.

“I know it sucks. I know it’s not fair. But you’re always telling me that we have to do what’s necessary, even if it’s hard. This is one of those things. Rina comes first. For both of us. She has to.”

“I know she does,” he rasps. “But I can’t just let you—”

“You have to. If she needs saving, you have to let me die. I told you a long time ago that you can’t be my hero. This brutal world will never allow it. So promise me that you’ll choose her. If it’s between me and her, you’ll always choose her.” I’m holding his eyes as the words take on a significance I wouldn’t have expected. “Promiseme, Zed.”

He jerks his head to the side. Takes a couple of ragged breaths.

“Zed—”

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