Page 27 of Citadel

“I can’t stay.” I’m not sure why he repeats those words, but his voice gets a little raspy as he says it again.

“Yeah. I know. Try to stay safe out there.”

“I will.”

We stare at each for a long time, neither of us saying anything.

I have absolutely no right to be disappointed—to feel as crushed as I do. He never promised to stick around. He never even hinted at it.

I’m the one stupid enough to want it anyway.

Finally I say, “Where will you go?”

“I’m gonna head north and then back toward the coast. The last news I heard, the gang he’s running with was moving in that direction.”

“Okay. Thanks for taking the detour to get Breanna and me somewhere safe.”

“Told you I had enough thanks.” He sounds almost grumpy.

I frown. “Fine.” Then I realize he’s about to leave and I might never see him again. “Are you… Do you think you might come back this way sometime?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I will. Next time I’m anywhere close, I’ll stop by and see how you’re doin’.”

I let out a breath, washed with relief and pleasure. It’s probably reflected in my face, but there’s no way I can help it. “Oh. Good.”

His mouth twitches up very slightly at one corner. “So take care of yourself. I’ll see you when I can.”

“Okay. You take care of yourself too.”

I have to fight the urge to hug him. I hug myself instead.

His mouth twitches again. “See ya, Del.”

“See you.”

This time it’s me who stands in the doorway and watches until he’s out of sight.

* * *

Three months pass in almost no time at all.

Breanna and I do pretty well with fitting into the life here in Monument. We are assigned work we can do competently, we meet people, and we adapt to the rhythms of a new community.

The very small community we left back at the coast feels like light-years away now.

Vern and the others are probably all dead now. It hurts a little to think about, but not as much as it should. Mostly they don’t even flicker much into my mind.

I’m not sure what that says about me.

Every unattached man in town makes a play for Breanna, and she turns all of them down. A few of them make a move on me too.

It surprises me. And kind of excites me too. I’m not used to men being at all interested in me. I’ve given up my oversized sweatshirt and the stupid cap I always used to wear. I never make a conscious decision about changing how I dress. I just stop.

Breanna never asks about it. Maybe she understands.

We’re safer now. I don’t always have to hide who I am.

I always work early-morning shifts since I’m used to waking up at dawn—usually in the garden or fishing down at the river. But in the afternoons, I get some free time to rest or do what I want.

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