Page 61 of Citadel

“None. Who the hell would I fuck? I never stay anywhere long enough to meet anyone even if I wanted to. Before you, it was more than a year since I’d fucked anyone, and I haven’t fucked anyone since.”

My lips part. My breath catches.

“You don’t believe me?” he prompts.

“I… I do. I’m just surprised.”

“I don’t know why you’d be surprised. You’ve been trying to build a life for yourself, and you did the best you could with what was available. I’ve just been running. Nothing but running. If I thought I could have had a life, it always would have been with you.”

Emotion tightens in my throat. My eyes burn. Never in my life has anyone said words that affected me so deeply. It feels like he’s ripped out my heart, like he’s holding it in his powerful hand.

“Cole,” I finally manage to choke out.

“I’m not asking for anything, baby. I know I lost my chance with you. But you deserve the truth from me since I can’t give you anything else.”

I nod and sniff a couple of times, unable to speak. Then I turn back onto my side, keeping my head on his lap, and I try to process everything he’s said.

I have no idea what to do with it all. But it fills me. Overflows. I don’t cry for real, but a few tears leak out, sliding down my cheek.

Cole sees them. Swipes them away with his thumb.

We don’t speak anymore, and eventually I close my eyes.

He’s still stroking my hair as I finally fall asleep.

* * *

The next day, the gang we’re following doesn’t break camp. And they don’t start traveling like they’ve done the other mornings.

They stay where they are. All day. Some of them head into the woods to hunt, so we have to carefully keep our distance, but they don’t set off back on the highway.

The following morning, we get up early again. Wait for them to leave. But they don’t leave that morning either.

We have no idea what’s happening or why they’ve gotten stalled.

Our best guess is that they’ve run out of gas. It’s been years since Impact now, years since any gasoline has been processed. Most of what was stored before the meteor hit has been used or destroyed by now.

It’s almost impossible to fuel vehicles anymore.

What this means for us and for Breanna is hard to say, but at least it’s broken the cycle of the past several days. If the gang is stuck there, then maybe their routine will change. Maybe we’ll finally get an opportunity to find and rescue Breanna.

We scout around for a few hours on the second morning and, when it’s accomplishing nothing, go back to the shallow cave where we’ve been camping out.

It’s not really a cave. More like a slight dent in the rocks. But at least it provides more shelter than the trees.

“Let’s rest for a few hours,” Cole says, “since nothing is happening there. Then we’ll go back and see what’s happening. Something has got to break soon.”

“It’s got to. This is making me crazy.”

“I know. Me too. But try to get some rest. You haven’t been getting enough sleep at night.”

“I’ve been getting more than you.”

“So I’ll rest too.”

“No, you won’t. You’ll stay awake the whole time and keep guard like you always do.” My tone is resigned rather than resentful. I’ve given up trying to make him sleep more than a couple of hours every night.

“I’ll rest.”

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