Page 39 of Sanctuary

Even when I was sometimes turned on with one of the men I’ve been with, it was a mostly empty physical response.

I never felt like this. Full of so much that I’m overflowing.

I make a weird whimpering sound.

Aidan yanks himself off me with a jerky motion and muffled groan. “Sorry, love.”

“It’s okay.”

“I didn’t mean to do that.”

“I know.”

“I never should have been all over you like that.” He’s sitting up stiffly beside me. Not looking at me. “I’m not one of those men.”

“I know you’re not.” I reach out to touch his arm. “You think I don’t know that?”

He turns his head. Meets my eyes with a tensely questioning expression.

“Aidan, I’ve been made to know in the most tangible ways what selfish, violent men will do when they have power over women. Over anyone. I know how to recognize them. And even when I hated you, I never believed you were one of them.”

The mood between us has shifted so abruptly it’s breathtaking.

Aidan’s lips part slightly. Then he says, “You didn’t?”

“No. I know how to tell the difference. And, yes, I thought you were an asshole, but notthatkind of asshole. You’re different.”

“I hope so.” He makes a rough sound in his throat and rubs at his face. “Because you’ve always been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, and you turned me on long before I even liked you. Even back when you were making me nothing but crazy.”

My throat tightens. I swallow over it. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” He shifts his position, turning toward me more fully. He doesn’t reach out to touch me, however. “And now… now, I’m having trouble focusing on anything other than how much I want to get you into bed. But I also hate the idea of being one of those men who used you in the past. I know what you’ve been through, and I understand why you don’t want to be with another man again. I completely respect that.”

Deep feeling is shuddering in my chest, in my gut, in my head, in my pussy, in the air between me and him. It’s too much. I can’t contain it. I can’t even speak for fear it will all come crashing down like a tidal wave.

“So I’m never going to make a move on you, love. I’ll never be one of those men. You don’t ever have to worry about it, so you don’t need to pull away. It’s just … difficult right now. With our being trapped together so closely.” His eyes have been lowered as he finishes his declaration, but now he raises them again in a quick, almost diffident glance.

I lick my dry lips nervously. “O-Okay. Thank you. I’m not going to… to pull away.”

With the way I’m feeling right now, I think I could have sex with him and enjoy it, but the fear of the newness—of the intensity of my feelings—is too great for me to break through it and ask for what I want.

I’m not used to being this authentic. This exposed. Vulnerable.

But I want it as much as I fear it.

I want even more of it.

I want him to see all the way inside me. Know me completely.

As deeply as I know him.

That night, Aidan sleeps under the covers with me again. Neither one of us questions it anymore.

Maybe we both need it.

I love how his body feels as it presses against my back, spooning me tightly. It’s not simply warm and cozy. It’s safe.

Protected.

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