Page 57 of Sanctuary

Fuck. Why the hell can’t I talk about this like a normal person? Why does it all feel so forbidden?

So dangerous.

She reaches out to put a hand on my forearm. Squeezes it lightly in an empathetic gesture.

Then I notice that her fingers are trembling slightly.

“What’s wrong, Del?”

She gulps visibly. “I’m really glad you were able to be with someone like that. That you’ve gotten to the point of wanting to share that with someone.”

“But…?”

“But it feels awfully quick.”

I’m irrationally defensive, but I try to stamp it down since Del isn’t wrong in what she’s saying. “I know it’s quick. But sometimes it happens that way. You knew Cole was the one for you in less time than that. Didn’t you?”

“Yes,” she admits. “I did. But I was wrong to trust him when I did. He wasn’t…” She gives her head a hard shake. “He wasn’t ready for a real relationship at that point. And he hurt me. Really bad. You’re the one who warned me back then.”

“I know I did. But things are different. I’m a lot older than you were. I’m not inexperienced or trusting or inclined to delude myself with romantic hopes. You know I’m not.”

“I know that. And normally I know you’re smart enough to make good decisions that will keep your heart safe. But Aidan…”

“What’s wrong with Aidan?” For the first time, resentment sharpens my tone.

“I really like him. You know I do. I liked him from the beginning. But he’s… he’s lived a really long time thinking only about himself.”

I bite back my immediate retort. Make myself think clearly. Then say, “He had his reasons for that.”

“I know he did. Just like Cole had his reasons for never committing and never staying in one place. Not being in a place where he can commit doesn’t make someone a bad man. But it makes him a dangerous choice to fall in love with. I don’t wantyou to get hurt like I did, Breanna.” She’s hoarse and emotional now. “I know you’re not nearly as naïve and inexperienced as I was when Cole broke my heart, but you don’t have experience with real intimate relationships any more than I did. This is new to you. And you’ve come so far. You’ve done so well. You’ve always been so strong. So brave. You’ve always protected me.”

Tears are streaming from her eyes now. They make my chest ache. “Del.”

“I’m sorry.” She wipes the tears away quickly. “I’m sorry to cry like this. But I want you to hear me. You gave up your life and anything you might want for years just to take care of me. But I want to protect you too. You have a life now. A life I thought you were liking.”

“I am.”

“And I couldn’t stand it if your heart got broken when you’re finally able to live for yourself.”

It takes me a minute to get any words out. Her emotion is upsetting me, and so is what she’s saying. “I get that. I do. And I don’t want to throw away everything I’ve gained for myself in the past year. But in some ways, I’ve been running away from really living life. And… and being with Aidan reminded me that maybe I don’t have to. I want to be happy, Del. But I think I can be happier with him.”

“Okay.” She’s visibly swallowing over the aftermath of her tears. “Okay. I trust you. And I want to trust Aidan too, but I’m not quite there yet. This has been… fast.”

“I know it has. You don’t have to trust him yet. But can you at least trust me?”

“Yes. Just… Let me just say one more thing.”

“What is it?” I’m oddly nervous, waiting to hear it.

“The reason Cole broke my heart wasn’t because he didn’t want me. It wasn’t because he didn’t care about me. It was because he had another priority—one he had to sacrificeeverything else for—and he wasn’t yet ready to set it aside. His brother had been his priority for years, and he couldn’t give that up.”

“I know that. And I also know he changed. You’re his priority now.”

“Yes. But it took him two years.”

“Aidan doesn’t have a brother. He doesn’t have… anyone but me.”

“I believe that. But all this time he’s lived with one priority. Taking care of himself. He was never an evil man, but he also didn’t let himself be a good one. Self-preservation was the one thing that guided him. Are you sure—are you absolutely sure—that he’s changed in that? That he’s not going to let that sense of self-preservation be more important than you?”

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