Page 65 of Sanctuary

Because I’m a fool for thinking what I thought. That even before we got together, what happened to me at the hands of these men might have mattered to him.

“I was trying to get out.” His voice wavers just slightly—the smallest evidence that’s he’s not in control of his emotions. That he’s almost as upset as I am.

I turn away from him since his steady gaze is deeply disturbing. I suck in a few harsh breaths, attempting to make my mind work, my voice work.

He waits for me to pull myself together. His patience is as unnerving as anything else.

When I’m ready, I turn back around and say, “Weasel—that main guy—is one of the guys who took me.”

He flinches slightly. “I didn’t know that.”

“You knew they were part of the same group.”

“Yes. I did know that.”

“Even if I can accept that you got in too deep with them and were working on safely extricating yourself… even if I can accept that, you lied to me this morning. Youlied. We were supposed to be partners. We were supposed to trust each other. And you lied to me. Hid the truth from me.”

“I know I did. I’m sorry, love. I didn’t want you to know.” He clears his throat like he’s briefly choked up. “I didn’t want you to see this side of me. This would have been my last interaction with them. I was finally able to end it. So I thought… I wanted to take care of it without it affecting you.”

“Without it affecting me?”

He takes a step forward. Then another. His face twists, emotion finally catching up to him. “I’m so sorry it’s hurt you. That’s the last thing I would have ever wanted to do. I thought I could simply put the whole ugly mess to bed and start fresh with you. I didn’t want you to look at me differently. I didn’t want you to hate me.”

My body is wracked by silent sobs. They shudder through me. I have to squeeze my eyes shut to hold them back.

“Oh no, sweetheart. Please don’t.”

My eyes fly open because I know—I know—he’s about to touch me again. “Don’t! Don’t touch me. Don’t call me sweetheart. Or love. Or anything that makes it sound like I’m special.”

“You are special to me, Breanna. You’re—”

“No!” A ragged sob escapes, but there are still no tears. Everything inside me feels dry. Barren. Empty. “Oh my God, Del was exactly right. I argued with her. Swore she was wrong. But she wasn’t. She said no matter how you feel about me, your priority will always be your own self-preservation.”

He jerks back like he’s been slapped. His face has whitened.

“And she was right,” I rasp. “I get it. I do. You wanted to try something new. You wanted to be a different person. I wanted the same thing. I wanted to… to trust you. I wanted to take a risk with my heart. Be vulnerable. But this is the limit for me. I… I can’t do it anymore. It hurts too bad.”

“I know it hurts. I’m so sorry. But it doesn’t have to be over.” He’s urgent now. Something akin to fear shudders through his tense body. “Please don’t say it’s over.”

“It… it barely even started, Aidan. There’s no hope it could possibly survive this. Not for me anyway.” I take a couple of long breaths. Square my shoulders. Step over to his cart and find my big backpack. Pull the straps over my shoulder.

I’ll be carrying it on my own from now on.

“Breanna, love, please don’t—”

“Ican’t! I just can’t. I thought I had changed, but I haven’t. I’m just me. And I’m not going to let myself get used by a man again—not even one I… I want.”

He makes a choking sound, but I don’t know what’s happening on his face because I’ve turned away from him.

I’ve started walking away.

“Breanna.”

I stop but don’t turn around.

“I love you.”

It might as well be a knife’s slice to my heart. “Maybe. Maybe you do. But it will never be as much as you want to save yourself.”

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