Page 19 of Homestead

Self-conscious about how much skin is exposed, I pull the bathrobe on over it. I’ll need to visit the outhouse before bed anyway, and it’s way too cold out there for only that nightgown.

I check the water. I’m sure it’s dirty, but it doesn’t actually look that bad. I pour the big pot of water I’ve heated up into the tub and swirl it around. There. That should be okay for Jimmy.

I open the back door and call out into the darkness, “I’m all done!” Then I follow the walkway to the outhouse.

When I come back inside, Jimmy is leaning over the tub.

“The water is warm,” he says.

“I heated up more water for you.”

“Oh. Thanks.” He looks surprised, but I don’t know why. Surely he wouldn’t assume I’d want him to sit naked in cool water.

His eyes run up and down my body from my ponytail to my robe to the socks I pulled on so my feet weren’t bare outside.

I’m not at my most attractive at the moment, but hopefully he realizes I’ll look better after I’m ready for bed.

“I’ll be in the bedroom,” I tell him.

He nods. His mouth opens like he’s going to say something, but no sound comes out.

Flushing and jittery, I hurry into the bedroom and close the door.

I don’t want him to think I’m lingering to watch him in the bathtub.

I take off my bathrobe. Then I pull the elastic out of my ponytail and brush out my hair with the hairbrush on the dresser.

It was shoulder-length when I was fourteen, but I’ve only occasionally trimmed it since, so it’s long now. Halfway down my back.

I stare at myself in the mirror. My hair looks good. It’s always been really straight and smooth, so it doesn’t kink or frizz. My shoulders and neck look almost graceful when set off by the straps of the gown. My boobs are quite prominently displayed, but hopefully Jimmy will like that. My eyes are a fairly light blue, and the look in them right now is weirdly foreign. Wild. Like it’s a stranger staring at me.

I have no idea who this person even is, living here now with a man I don’t really know. And maybe having sex with him soon.

It’s too much to wrap my mind around, so I sweep it away as I brush my teeth and then climb onto the bed.

I assume he won’t want the side all the way against the wall, so I crawl all the way over. I pull down the top sheet and quilt, but I don’t lie down. It makes me feel weird and vulnerable. Helpless.

So I sit there on the bed, my legs folded up beneath me, and wait until the bedroom door finally opens.

4

Jimmy comesinto the room in a pair of dark blue boxer shorts. They look old. Kind of faded. He’s not wearing anything else.

I stare at his long legs, his bare chest, his big arms. He’s naturally large, but he’s not rock-hard like a bodybuilder or an underwear model. His belly isn’t entirely flat, and he’s got hair on his chest and his legs.

He stands still when he sees me sitting in bed. After a few seconds, he keeps walking toward me, slower now. “Hey.”

“Hi. Do you need me to do anything?”

“Nah. I drained the tub. I’ll let it dry out and then take it back outside tomorrow. And I locked up. Nothin’ else to do. Do you need anything?”

I shake my head. “I’m fine.”

He sits down on the edge of the bed. Turns his head to give me a quick glance. “You look real pretty.”

I flush again. Feel an unexpected flutter of pleasure around my heart. “Thank you.” I wonder if I should compliment him too, but I have no idea what to say. I do like the looks of his body. He’s big and strong and solid. Real. Human.

The sight of him makes me feel small and soft in a way I’m not used to.

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