Page 60 of Homestead

“You thought I wouldn’t wanna take care of you too?”

“No, no! Not like that. You just don’t have to do anything for me right now. I mean, I’m fine. I just wanted to do it for you.”

He’s sitting up, pulling on the sweats and shirt I brought in earlier for him. He’s breathing fast and raspy and glowering up at me. “So you’re not even gonna give me the chance?”

I’ve somehow messed things up again. I have no idea why and how I keep doing so. He was so soft and relaxed just a minute ago, but now he’s really upset again.

“I’m sorry. It’s not that I didn’t want to give you the chance. I just didn’t realize… I mean, I wanted to… You’re tired. It’s been a long day for you. You really don’t have to go through the trouble.”

“You still think I’m a selfish asshole who just wants to take from you,” he says in almost a whisper. “Don’t you?”

“No! Of course I don’t think that! I never thought that.”

“Then why’re you acting like I’ll have to suffer through doin’ somethin’ for you instead of wantin’ to do it?”

I don’t have an answer for him. My head is spinning, and my knees and hands are openly trembling, and I’m so confused and overwhelmed I can’t get a single word out.

He adjusts his position, scooting forward to the edge of the couch seat and leaning toward me. “Tell me the truth, Chloe. Promise me you’ll tell me the truth.”

I nod urgently since my throat is still closed up.

“Have you been fakin’ it with me? Have I not been doin’ a good job pleasin’ you in bed?”

“No!” I’m so shocked by the question that the answer bursts out of me. “No!”

Some of the tension eases on his expression, but not all of it. “So you’ve been comin’ for real?”

“Yes! I’ve always come for real. You’ve always treated me really good in bed.”

“Is there some other reason you don’t like it when I make you come?” He doesn’t look so hurt anymore. It’s closer to that intense, peering scrutiny.

“I do like it! I’ve always liked it.”

“Then what the hell is the problem?” he demands in a more confident tone. “Why’re you always tryin’ to blow me and run?”

“I’m not trying to run.” I rub my face since my brain still isn’t working at full capacity and I need it to right now. “I just want to make sure you know how much I… I appreciate you. I like making you feel good.”

The room is silent for a long tense moment. Then, “And it’s never occurred to you that I might feel the exact same way?”

I freeze. Utterly motionless. Because the truth is obvious to me and probably to him.

It’s never once occurred to me that he might feel the same way about me. That he might appreciate everything I do for him—the life we’re living together—and want to go out of his way to express that to me. Want to make me feel good without expecting anything in return.

I know exactly how it feels when I want to please him and he won’t let me. When he rejects me.

Obliviously I’ve been doing that to him.

“I’m sorry,” I finally whisper. “I’m so sorry, Jimmy. I didn’t… I didn’t realize you… you felt that way.”

“Well, I do.”

“Okay. I’m really sorry. You work really hard to take care of us and help your family and the rest of the community. I see how hard you always work. I just never wanted to give you extra work to do.”

To my surprise, his expression changes, and he huffs out a soft laugh.

I giggle too—more in response to his mood change than anything else. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah. I do.” He smooths down his beard and leans back against the couch. “I know exactly what you mean. All this time you’ve thought you were a burden.”

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