Page 39 of Beacon

Then I let him slip out of my mouth as I straighten up, smiling and coughing a few times.

“Y’okay?” he mumbles, peering at me through mostly closed eyes. He’s fully relaxed now, limp and replete.

“Yes. Just didn’t plan very well.”

“If you don’t want to swallow, let me know, and next time I’ll pull out.”

I know he means it and that he’ll follow through sincehe always, always pulls out of my pussy before he comes no matter how far gone he is.

“No, I don’t want you to do that. I want you to be able to let go. I don’t mind swallowing. I just didn’t prepare well this time.” I’m still smiling as I rub his thighs. Then his belly. Then up to his chest.

He cups my face with one of his hands and makes me meet his eyes. He doesn’t say anything. Just gives me that deep, searching look I well recognize.

Whatever he sees in my face must satisfy him. His expression relaxes into a little smile. “Thank you for doing that for me,” he finally murmurs.

For no good reason, I blush hotly. “You’re welcome.”

“It feels kind of selfish to take that from you when you’re not in the mood for me to give back.”

“No, it’s not selfish unless you start demanding it. I love doing that for you.” Dropping my eyes, I open my mouth to continue but then close it again.

“Tell me,” he demands very softly.

“You didn’t used to… to let me. Not like this. So I’ve been really… loving it. These last few weeks.” I feel stupid and strangely young as I make this admission.

He’s still holding on to my face with one of his big hands. He’s breathing heavily and not just from his release earlier.

“You were always so gentle with me. And I loved that. I needed it back then. But this… this is different. And I’ve been loving it.”

After a long pause, Mack asks in a voice that sounds purposefully soft. “Anna, why didn’t you ever tell me before that you wanted sex… rougher? Less gentle.”

“It’s not that I wanted rough sex,” I say in a rush since I don’t want him to ever doubt how much the way we used to be together meant to me. “Like I said, I needed it to be gentler back then because I was still… still healing. From Josh. But it always felt… it felt like most of the time you were taking care of me, even while we were having sex. Like you could never fully let go and take what you needed. And I think it’s been better now because it’s not just that anymore. It’s not that I need to have it rougher to really enjoy it. It’s that I want to give as much as I take, and I never felt like I fully could before.”

He’s listening. Thinking about what I’m saying. I’m so afraid I’m going to hurt him by the admission that I move my hands to stroke his face. His head.

“Are you upset?” I finally ask when he doesn’t say anything.

He shakes his head. “I’ve been trying to figure out why it’s even better now than it used to be, and you’re right. That’s why. I… I was holding back before. I was always afraid I’d somehow hurt you if I…”

“If you took what you needed.”

He nods.

I can’t resist any longer. I simply can’t restrain the impulse. I lean down and press a very soft kiss on his mouth. Then say against his lips, “You’ve always done somuch to take care of everyone else. You’re allowed to let someone take care of you too.”

He makes a soft sound in his throat and slides his hand to the back of my head, holding it down so he can deepen the kiss.

We kiss for a long time, soft and slow and deep.

Then he finally rearranges my body so I’m curled up at his side beneath the curve of his arm. He pulls the covers up over us, and he’s asleep in only a few minutes.

I’m asleep only a minute or two after him.

We sleep in later than normal, but we have to get up eventually because we need to get out to the market to restock our perishable food. So Mack shakes me awake at around nine and says we should get going.

It doesn’t take long to dress, eat a quick breakfast, and find something from our storage closet to trade for food at the market. Then we get on the ATV and head down the trail and deeper into the forest.

The market is always in the same clearing where Mack took me that first week. According to him, it’s organized by a group of women in the area who have been running it for years now. Because it’s too dangerous to have large groups of people gather in the same location, the providers bring their food and supplies on Wednesdays and the buyers come to trade for them on Thursdays.

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