Page 58 of Beacon

That’s not exactly how I worded it before, and thewords come out before I can second-guess them. It feels like a very big risk.

He doesn’t react to them though. He’s obviously still hung up on what I said earlier. “You’d be safe with Logan. As safe as it’s possible to be in this world. He’d take good care of you. Of anyone he considered his.”

“Mack, where is all this even coming from? You know I don’t want a man to just take care of me. If I did, why wouldn’t I have jumped at the opportunity a couple of years ago when I learned you wanted more than what we had?”

Mack never told me. Not once. It wasn’t until that one particularly vulnerable conversation I had with Layne that I realized what everyone else had always understood. That Mack wanted more. He was waiting for me. And he might never let go if I didn’t make him.

“Maybe I didn’t have enough to offer,” he mumbles now in response to my direct question.

I choke on indignation. “Mack, stop it. Stop it! I know you’re going through some hard stuff, and I totally get that. But how can you question what I’ve always told you and what I’m telling you again right now? No one has ever—ever—taken care of me as well as you have, and no one ever will. I just want…” I trail off because I’m about to admit everything.

And that will make Mack feel bad and guilty.

I’m not going to do that to him again.

“What do you want, angel?”

I swallow over a flutter from the endearment and mentally scramble for an honest answer that won’t put more of a burden on Mack. “It’s too much to wrap my mind around right now, much less put into words. For now I want to enjoy the rest of today with you. Then I want to go back to the farms tomorrow and meet up with the others to help with the attack. After that…?” I shrug. “I guess I’ll figure it out then.”

He lets out a breath, a lot of the tension blowing out of his body with the air. “Okay.” He strokes my hair and gently guides my head down so it’s resting on his chest again. “I’m sorry I questioned you. I’ve been doubting myself lately. And it’s hard not to let that make me doubt everything.”

“Yeah.” I relax on top of him, caressing his firm side and trim hip. “I get that. But at the risk of bringing the whole thing up again, what about Logan? You don’t think he?—”

“No. It’s not him.”

“You’re sure?” I’m actually relieved at the clear answer since all my instincts were leading me away from Logan being that person.

“Yeah. I’m sure. Logan is not a good guy. He’s like an old-school mafia don. He doesn’t hesitate to use violence, and he can be ruthless. But he holds himself to a code, and even in war, he’d only move on soldiers. These border gangs captured Jimmy and sweet little Chloe when they’ddone nothing. When they’d simply been living their lives. Logan would never do that.”

“Why do you think they kidnapped Jimmy and Chloe at all? I’ve never understood it. Ben and Greta think they were going to use them as leverage to take over their farm.”

“That could be it. The gangs have control of their territory, but it’s nothing but broken-down remains of the old world. A farm would give them a regular supply of fresh food. Maybe they thought they could eventually take over all the farms and use that community as some sort of labor force. I don’t know. Whatever they were intending back then, they gave up when they met with real resistance. But who knows when they’ll try something again. It’s got to be tempting. A thriving, productive neighborhood within their reach.”

“Yeah. Maria is right that something needs to be done.”

“It does. But the person in charge of the gangs isn’t Logan. He’d never go after the innocent. Plus his territory extends through The Wild, but he doesn’t operate outside it. Ever. I’m not sure he’s even set foot outside of The Wild since Impact.”

“Okay. Good. That makes sense. I was just making sure. What about that Colt guy who kidnapped Elizabeth? Could he?—”

“No, I’ve heard of him a couple times in passing. He’sgot some territory deep in The Wild, but it’s far from the border.”

“Who do you think is in charge then?”

“Honestly, I’d guess it’s just a random gang leader who got ambitious. He rallied some support with other gangs and then capitalized on the momentum. I don’t think it’s anyone special. We’ll probably never know the person’s name. It’s a criminal with delusions of grandeur.”

“That makes it worse somehow.”

“Yeah. It does.”

We’re quiet for a few minutes, both of us wrapped up in our own thoughts.

Then I finally murmur, “I can’t believe I have to leave tomorrow.”

“I know.” He hesitates, and I can feel tension in the air as he decides to say the next thing. “You don’t have to.”

“I don’t have to what?”

“Leave. Tomorrow. You can stay with me.”

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