Page 82 of Beacon

“You’re staring,” I tell him.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t know. Isn’t it a little creepy to peer at someone while they sleep?”

“Why is it creepy? I’m sitting here enjoying the afternoon, and you’re the best thing around to look at.”

I giggle at this and start to roll toward him until I remember my injured side. It doesn’t even hurt anymorewhen I’m lying still, but if I stretch it or put pressure on it, I can still feel it. So I settle back into my former position. “You’ve got the sun and the trees and all of nature to look at.”

“You’re still the best thing around.”

I roll my eyes although I do appreciate the sentiment. I’ve always figured I was pretty enough and smart enough and nice enough. But I never felt particularly special in any way until Mack came along and so genuinely believed it.

“So that’s what you were thinking about as you sat there?” I ask him. “What I look like?”

He shakes his head. “That’s not all of it.”

“What else?”

He leans forward. Says very softly. “Please don’t ever jump in front of a bullet for me again.”

My breath hitches. “Mack.”

“I mean it. I haven’t wanted to say anything until you were feeling better, but don’t ever do that again.”

“I honestly didn’t even think about it. I just acted by instinct, so I’m not sure I could stop myself even if I believed I should. He was going to kill you, and I couldn’t let that happen.”

“I’d rather he kill me than kill you.”

I reach out, and reading my gesture, he extends his to take mine in his warm grip. “Mack, can you please try to understand that I feel the exact same way?”

He doesn’t answer as he processes my words.

“I’d rather he kill me than kill you,” I continue. “That’s why I did it.”

“But it’s not your job to protect me.Iprotectyou. That’s how it works. If one of us has to die, it’s always gonna be me.”

I shake my head urgently. “I thought we went over this before, Mack. I want to take care of you as much as you take care of me. It needs to be… be reciprocal.”

“It is reciprocal.” He leans over farther. Brings my hand up to his mouth and presses a soft kiss on my palm. “Anna, I want it to be reciprocal. And I thought I’ve been doing better about letting you take care of me. I mean, in ways I never did before.”

“You have been doing better! You’ve made me so happy. And I know you’re a lot bigger and stronger than me, so it makes sense you take on more of the protective role, but it doesn’t change this basic reality. I love you. And, just like you, I’d rather die than watch you die. I can’t help it if I sometimes act on it.”

His features work very slightly as he deals with what I’ve said. Then he finally nods with a gruff sound in his throat. “Just don’t do that to me again.”

I squeeze his hand. “I’ll try not to. Seriously. I’d rather neither of us ever get shot at again. If we can do our best to avoid unnecessary danger for a while, I’ll really appreciate it.”

I’m speaking lightly, but it evidently triggers somethingin Mack. He clears his throat. Shifts in his seat. Opens his mouth and then closes it again the way he always does when he has something to say but isn’t quite ready to say it.

“What is it?” I ask gently. My heart is starting to hammer because I’m afraid he’s going to tell me something I don’t want to hear. Why else would he be nervous about it? “You can just say it.”

“Yeah.” He clears his throat again. “That brings up somethin’ else I been wantin’ to talk to you about.” I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him sound so Southern.

When I nod shakily and wait, he continues in the same overly careful tone. “I don’t blame you for what happened. I blame me.” He can see me starting to object, so he hurries on. “Not for what the bad guys did but for not being more careful. I knew better. But I was distracted by how happy I was and trying to think about all I needed to say to you and ready to get back to the cabin so I could fuck you like I’ve been wantin’, and I wasn’t paying attention. At all. That’s on me.”

“It’s on me too. I was distracted too.”

“We both were. And I still feel like I’m kinda distracted. I’m too… too happy to be on guard the way I should be. So I’m thinkin’…” Yet again he clears his throat. “I’m thinking we probably better get back home soon.” He’s lowered his eyes, but he slants them back up to me quickly. “If that’s okay with you.”

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