Page 12 of Every Breath

Chapter Seven

The third envelopedirects me to go where I had Dyami… or I think that’s where Benny wants me to go when he wrote,

“Here, you gave me the best gift

a man can be blessed with,

dark eyes, dark hair,

your effervescent smile…

and just as stubborn.”

I smile. Dyami. Has to be.

I get in my car and make my way to the hospital. It’s the only thing that comes to mind. Where else did I have Dyami anyway? And how on earth can I forget the twenty hours of labor I went through only to have an emergency C-section because the umbilical cord had wrapped around Dyami’s neck after all my damn pushing?

I can still remember the look of alarm on Benny’s face when he overheard the doctor and nurses discuss what was going on, the soft beeping of the monitors on either side of me recording everything that was going on inside my body. He may not have known medical jargon but Benny knew something was wrong especially when everything I’d learned as a nursing student—and even as a nurse—flew out the window.

Suddenly, it was as if any certification or license I’d earned before then was suddenly stripped off me and all I was then was a woman in need of a reassuring look from the man she loved. I realized then how different things become when you’re the one lying on the operating table. Then came the paperwork and all the signatures needed to be signed on the dotted line, one page after another as they wheeled me into the operating room, Benny pulled aside behind me so they could help him don his sterile gown, gloves and mask. The urgency reminded me of my own mortality, that if anything should go wrong…

But no, I couldn’t think of such things.

I take a deep breath. I’d never been so scared in my life and yet with Benny right there, stoic and strong for both of us, I knew I’d be alright.

“He’s so beautiful, nízhoní,” he’d whispered, his eyes riveted to something beyond the paper barrier they’d set up below my neck. “Our little warrior.”

That’s when I heard Dyami’s lustful cry and I knew, as Benny kissed the tears running down my temples, that everything was going to be alright.

* * *

I arriveat the hospital fifteen minutes later. Traffic is still light but with everyone going somewhere to celebrate Valentine’s Day, it’s starting to get busy. If Benny were here, he’d probably have told me to get ready to go out to dinner, wearing a dress he’d pick out and lay out on the bed complete with the shoes. Knowing Benny, there wouldn’t be any underwear because I wouldn’t need it.

If Benny were here…

I step into the lobby and look around, searching for a familiar face but I see no one. I glance at my watch, frowning. I look around the room again, feeling silly that I’m supposed to meet someone at a hospital lobby like it were a date.

What if I’m wrong? What if this isn’t the place? Maybe Benny meant the clinic where he’d seen the first sign that we were having a boy in the ultrasound.

“Mom?”

I turn and see Dyami, a replica of his father except that he has my mouth. Without a word, I wrap him in a big long hug, not wanting to let go. His embarrassed calls for me to let go are muffled against my shirt.

“Mom, um, you can let go of me now.”

I fight back the tears as I take a step back. Now is not the time to cry.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, taking a deep breath and blowing the air through my lips. I didn’t really know who to expect, but it wasn’t Dyami.

“Tito Dax told me you were–”

“–meeting you here,” I continue for him, laughing. “Yes, I get it.”

He frowns. “What’s going on?”

I study him, my eyes narrowing. Maybe the kid can spill the beans to his mother. “You don’t know?”

Dyami shakes his head. “No, I don’t. I was at Tito Gabe’s playing Minecraft and Tito Dax came over and said you wanted to see me. He said it was important.”

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