Page 4 of Every Breath

“I’ll be spending the night at Tito Gabe’s, Mom. Remember? Tito Gabe will pick me up from school so you don’t have to,” Dyami says and I sigh, the realization that I’ll probably be alone on Valentine’s day finally hitting me. Gabriel “Gabe” Vasquez is Dax’s best friend and our families are distantly related through my mother who passed away seven years ago. Dyami hangs out with his distant cousins a lot. They’re all roughly the same age and also go to the same school.

“I remember.” I take a sip of my coffee, pointing to his plate. “Now finish your breakfast before the bus arrives.”

Twenty minutes later, Dax walks Dyami to the bus stop so they can talk “mano a mano” and comes back to pick up the plastic container with the burritos, kisses Nana one more time and gives me a hug.

“If Benny’s still working out there tomorrow, you should come by,” he says. “We’re gonna be watching Curious George… or if Ani-pea gets her way, Bubble Guppies. Then if we’re not too exhausted after the kids go to sleep, we can play card games.”

I roll my eyes, laughing. “So much for Valentine’s Day, huh? What happened to the romance?”

Dax gives me two thumbs up. “The best, man. The best.”

Nana and I laugh as Dax waves goodbye and gets behind the wheel of his truck. As I watch him back out of the driveway, some days I can’t believe my baby brother is married with kids.

“I hope Benny will be back by then, mija,” Nana says as I finish my coffee.

“I’ll be okay, Nana. You know how much I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s too commercial,” I say. “But I do like the day after when chocolates are all half off.”

“A little romance now and then never hurt nobody, mija.” Nana shakes her head as she wipes the table. “Are you working today?”

“Yup. Ten to four. I should be home by five.” I wash my coffee cup in the sink, rinsing it before setting it on the drying rack in the dishwasher. Even though our dad upgraded everything in Nana’s kitchen, we still wash everything by hand, using the dishwasher mostly as a drying rack unless Dad is around. Then we actually pull out the instructions and use it.

“I like that schedule better than your old one although you do look tired this morning,” Nana says. “I hope you’re enjoying your new position.”

“It gets boring some days but I like it.”

It’s actually not boring; it’s just so different from what I’m used to doing. I used to work as a hospice nurse but after Dad invested in a nurse staffing agency five months ago, I’m now one of the major owners and manage it. These days, instead of being at the patient’s bedside, I’m sending the nurses and other medical professionals to homes and hospices in Taos and Santa Fe. We’re also expanding to include non-medical positions like general caregiving.

Some days I miss my old position but I also get why Dad did what he did. Like Benny’s Navajo mother who believes that people who work around the dying end up having too many spirits hanging around them, Dad always felt I came home from work sad even though I never admitted it. I took it out on Dax by joking with him a lot but I guess, Benny nailed it when he said that some days there was sadness behind my eyes.

While Benny never minded my work as a hospice nurse like his mother did, he never understood why I refused all of Dad’s earlier offers to give me my own staffing agency given that I had a Master’s degree in Management and Dad has money to burn—too much sometimes. Whether it’s other people’s or his own, Daniel Drexel is a whiz with money, and for as long as he’s been my father, he’s always been about making sure his kids—and now his grandkids—have a financial cushion to fall back on. Already, Dyami and Dax’s twins have trust funds set up.

“Is everything okay?” Nana asks, breaking through my thoughts.

“Yes. Why?”

“You look pale,” she says. “And you didn’t even eat any breakfast. Aren’t you hungry?”

I shake my head. I haven’t been eating as much lately, my stomach feeling weird for the last three days. Maybe I caught a bug at work. Who knows? I just hope Benny didn’t catch it, too.

“No, not at the moment, although I’ll pack a burrito for work if Dax didn’t take them all with him.”

“I set two aside for you, mija,” Nana says, patting a plastic container with my name on it on the kitchen counter.

* * *

Benny’s callcomes an hour later while I’m in the office, staring at the monitor and trying to figure out the staffing schedule.

“It’s going to take at least three days of meetings to figure out what we can do over here,” he says and I can hear the sounds of other people talking in the background. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it back in time for Valentine’s, babe. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Benny. You know how I hate how commercial it’s become.”

I hear him exhale, imagining the disappointment on his face. “I know, but I’ve never missed spending a single Valentine’s Day with you in twelve years.”

“There’s a first time for everything, Benny. Guess this is the year.” I force a smile, hoping he can sense my attempt to lighten the mood. He does have a point. He’s never missed a year—until now. “Do your job. I’ll be fine over here.”

He pauses, his voice lowering when he continues. “Ayóó anííníshní.”

“Ayóó ánííníshní,” I whisper, hoping he doesn’t detect the catch in my voice. It happens every time I hear him say it.

I love you.

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