Page 5 of Every Breath

Chapter Three

Two dayssince I left Taos to deal with the latest toxic waste spill incident and I’m ready to go home. Too bad, the closest to home I can get to right now is my hotel room but after the day I’ve had, I’ll take what I can get.

Bolting the door behind me, I strip off my clothes and step into the steaming shower, doing my best to let go of the last two days that begun in the arms of the woman I love and ending right here, with me wishing she weren’t so far away.

But there was also that visit to my mother in Shiprock, just outside the Navajo Nation where she lives with Marjorie, my recently divorced half-sister and her two kids, seven and five. Mother used to live on the rez but after my stepfather got run over while changing his car tire by the side of the highway, she couldn’t handle managing the house alone. It was constantly falling apart. And then there was the water situation. She had to truck in her own water and with her bad back, she couldn’t do it alone. Electricity was sporadic. Some days she’d have it and some days, she wouldn’t. And so I bought her a three-bedroom house outside the reservation, one that was connected to the city grid and had everything she needed—water, gas, electricity, cable. Marjorie helps out by paying rent and half of the utilities.

Once a month and a few weeks during the summer, I take Dyami with me to visit with them as well as Grandfather who still lives in the Navajo Nation. As sporadic as our visits are, Grandfather still does his best to teach Dyami about the Diné way, or the People’s way, from the cardinal directions, the environment, the land, and the hogan. One day, I’m sure Grandfather will suggest that Dyami is ready for his kinaaldâ, his puberty ceremony, but until then, I’ll leave Dyami to enjoy being the kid that he is.

Mother was happy to see me although she was annoyed that I hadn’t bothered to tell her I was stopping by for she’d have told Noelle that I was coming. It took all of her self-control not to text my first love even though Noelle has since been married after I broke up with her—and widowed. Still, I love how Mother’s never given up on Noelle and me but she’s also got to understand that that ship has long sailed.

It’s not going to happen, Mother, I’d told her before kissing her forehead and reminding her that I still had work to do at the spill site two hours away. I’d taken the morning off to make the drive to and back while my colleagues continued to collect samples and run the required tests.

I stand in the middle of the shower and stretch my neck, letting the water rain down and steam fill the room. Another thing about traveling for the job (besides visiting your mother and reminding her that certain ships have sailed) is catching up with colleagues over dinner and drinks. It’s the only way we can tune out work and feel normal. Turns out I’m the only one who hasn’t gotten himself, as Bob puts it, “tied down to the old ball and chain” called a wife and kids.

Since I last saw them five years ago, Bob had gotten married twice and divorced twice, Larry is going through his divorce and my other colleague David is no better. Recently divorced, he was so horny he could have eye-fucked the waitress if she let him. She gave him the finger instead.

It felt strange having them look at me like I’m some sort of god, still together with the same woman but not tied down to her in the eyes of the law. In their eyes, I was free to sow my oats in someone else’s field any time I wanted.

But that’s never been the way things worked between Sarah and me. From the moment we met in Albuquerque, we’ve always had a tumultuous relationship and we haven’t exactly been together for the entire twelve years. There were months when we’d split up and swear we’d never talk to each other again but that never lasted long. There’s something about Sarah I just can’t get enough of. She’s feisty and opinionated, loyal and passionate. Most of all, she’s got these killer curves I can’t get enough of and a smile that always brings me back to her no matter what. When she loves, she loves with everything she’s got.

When we did split up, three months is probably the longest we’ve managed to stay apart and when we’d get together again, we’d swear never to let a night go by that we’d stay angry with each other. The last time we separated that long was seven years ago, one year before I popped the big question and got the big NO, a stark reminder that she held the key to my heart because the rejection fucking hurt.

Her reason? Her younger brother Dax was taking their mother’s death a few months earlier pretty hard. He’d started drinking and was getting into fights. He’d lost all direction, too. To him, Pearl Drexel was his biggest champion from the day he was born until the day she drew her last breath. He straightened out only when he started building an earthship on the outskirts of Taos with the help of the Villier brothers who took him in, giving him a mallet and a ton of soil to pound all that grief out of his system.

I could have asked Sarah to marry me again but one rejection was too much for this proud heart. Besides, every time we got into an argument or a disagreement and split up, the makeup sex was through the roof. Still is, and it’s fucking addicting. And then there are the other things we do when we’re alone that’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

But such things, no matter how exciting, aren’t going to last forever. Just because two people share a child doesn’t mean they don’t have to make it official. And just because she said no that first time doesn’t mean I can’t ask her again.

So why the fuck haven’t I?

But I already knew the answer. It’s the reason why I told my mother to stop dreaming that I’d go back to Noelle one day because it’ll never happen, the same reason I haven’t texted the woman at the bar who slipped me her phone number as I made my way back from the men’s room.

How do you do it, man?Larry had asked, looking truly impressed. How do you get them creaming for you just by looking at you?

I didn’t answer him. I wanted nothing more than to get back to my hotel room, lock the fucking door, and wash the grime of the day off me—but not before tossing the napkin with the woman’s number in the trash. Years ago, I would have gone for it but not anymore. I don’t call Sarah my woman for nothing.

Absently I stroke myself, remembering our last time together. My cock stiffens as my hand slides over the shaft again and again, the memory of Sarah’s moans against my ear filling my thoughts. Seeing her with her eyes shut and her mouth half open as she whispered my name. I groan, one arm pressing against the wall as my hips lean into the sensations that hit me, my hand going over the sensitive tip and back down the shaft again. And again.

I miss her. Fuck. My body misses her. Every fiber of my being wants her. Needs her. Craves her.

So what the fuck am I waiting for?

I can see her in my mind, her back to me as I order her to spread her legs wide, her hands against the wall for support. Her delicious ass presses against me, my cock sheathing itself inside her, so hot and slick, so perfect. She moans, falling back onto my cock and bouncing there as my arm wraps around her, one hand finding her tits, squeezing it, pulling on her nipple until she whimpers.

I can feel her pulsing around me, ready to explode. I slam into her, water pummeling our bodies as she arches her back, taking me deeper. I grit my teeth, feeling her pussy milking me, even as I hold off my release.

Fuck. You’re so tight, Sarah. So perfect. So good.

I can hear her panting, breathing my name as she comes hard, grinding her hips against me, one arm reaching behind her to grab the back of my neck, pulling me closer. I suck on the skin between her neck and shoulder and she shudders against me.

I squeeze my eyes shut, stroking my cock faster. Fuck. I’m so close. In my mind, I pull out and order her to kneel. I can see her face from behind my eyelids as she kneels before me and takes my cock in her mouth. She takes me in, sucking me all the way back to her throat. My balls tighten. I groan, my body feeling like it’s standing just inches from a precipice, ready to let go, ready to lose myself in her eyes, her mouth… her everything.

My cock jerks in my hand as my release comes, every muscle in my body tightening. Colors burst in my vision. I groan, feeling my body shudder as my orgasm rushes through me like a wave, Sarah’s face front and center in my mind. When I’m spent, I don’t know how long I stand under the water that’s now turned cold but hell, do I need it.

I shut off the shower and towel myself dry. Wrapping a dry towel around my waist, I step out of the bathroom and look at the empty bed that’s not mine. Or hers, for that matter. After twelve years together, it’s about time we sleep in a bed we can call ours, a bed that belongs in one place only—our home.

But it’s not like I don’t know what to do next. I still have the ring, don’t I?

All I need now is the perfect timing… and help from the usual suspects.

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