Page 9 of Every Breath

No commitments, he’d agreed as he stood behind me and planted a kiss on my shoulder. Fine with me, Sarah.

So much for that. Twelve years later, here we are.

“Anyway, after I got done with my contract in Shiprock, I found a position here as a hospice nurse,” I continue. “And the bureau that he works for has an office here and that’s where he asked to be assigned so it worked out for both of us.”

“Isn’t it weird that after two years you both ran into each other in Shiprock?”

“Yes, it was. His mother lives there, too, as does the girl he was supposed to marry,” I reply, my mood suddenly shifting.

“So what were you guys doing here when he said he loved you?” Alma asks, as if she didn’t even hear my reference to Noelle.

“We were attending a fundraiser here when he said he loved me. It was a wine tasting and silent auction so who knows? We were probably both tipsy from all the wine but I didn’t care. He said it and that’s what mattered.”

Ayóó anííníshní.

Even though I didn’t know many Navajo words then, I knew what he meant. By then, I’d learned the meaning behind the words that accompanied his every breath, every touch, every kiss.

I love you.

“It was also when I knew,” I say softly.

“Knew what?”

“That he was the one,” I reply, chuckling sheepishly. “Sounds crazy, right? How can you really know someone’s the one for you? I mean, life is not a fairy tale, you know. It’s not like one day, your prince comes and life turns into rainbows and roses.”

Or in our case, leather straps and ball gags.

Alma looks at me but doesn’t say anything right away. There’s a wisdom behind her eyes that I can only imagine. She’d lost her first husband to suicide.

“I’m sorry,” I stammer. “I really shouldn’t say such things. It’s Valentine’s Day, for crying out loud.”

“Of course you can. Life can be whatever we make of it, Sarah. It just takes work, I think, and in many ways, fate,” she says, smiling faintly. “After Drew died, I never thought I’d fall in love again. I actually just gave up. I just went where I was supposed to go and did the things I was supposed to do but I wasn’t really living. I was just… existing. But I ran into Sawyer one day and then I realized that life is really what you make of it. The glass is going to be either half empty or half-full. Anyway, Sawyer happened in my life and here I am. Tyler and I couldn’t be happier.”

I squeeze her hand. “You’re so right, Alma. Life is what you make of it and I really should stop being so cynical.”

Or ungrateful, for that matter. The only reason I’ve always felt Valentine’s is just another commercial holiday is because Benny always makes it personal.

“I don’t think you’re being cynical. You’re just being… practical, I guess. Realistic, maybe?” Alma says, grinning. “But look at you two. Twelve years together and every time I see you guys, it’s like you just started dating. You guys laugh a lot and just… just have fun. Sawyer and I want to be just like you and Benny when we grow up.”

“Oh no! No no no! Now you’re making me feel so old,” I laugh, relieved she changed the subject although the last thing I want to discuss is how Benny and I keep the passion between us going as hot as it has been. It’d probably make Alma blush from the top of her head all the way down to her perfectly painted toes. “Why don’t we keep walking around?”

Half an hour later, Alma gets a call from Sawyer letting her know they’re on their way back to the museum.

“You gonna be okay?” Alma asks as we make our way to the front entrance. I can’t believe I actually forgot all about the time as we strolled through the rooms looking at Pueblo and Native American art and pottery.

“Why shouldn’t I be?” I say, before eyeing her suspiciously. “Shouldn’t you be giving me something at this time?”

“Oh! That’s right!” She takes a red envelope from her back jeans pocket and hands it to me. “This is for you.”

“Oh, Alma, you’re so cute. What if I hadn’t said anything?”

She winks at me. “I’d still have remembered.”

“Can you, at least, tell me what’s going on? A hint maybe?”

“Nope. My lips are sealed.” She pretends to zip her lips with her thumb and pointer finger. “And even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t know what to tell you. Apparently, I’m on a need to know basis.”

“Who else is in on this?”

“I have no clue.” She gives me in a hug and steps back just as an SUV stops at the curb, Sawyer behind the wheel while the kids are in their baby car seats in the back. “Anyway, I’m going to leave you to go on your next adventure then. Happy Valentine’s Day!”

I wave to Sawyer and Tyler as Alma gets in the passenger seat. I wait until they drive away before turning my attention to the envelope. It’s red just like the first two that I’d received.

I want to call Benny so bad and ask him what the hell is going on. I mean, I get it. He can’t be with me for Valentine’s Day and he’s doing what he can to make it up to me, but this is too much. Unlike Benny, I’ve never been patient. But as I turn the envelope over in my hand, I guess there’s a first time for everything.

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