Page 91 of Bring me Back

“We were kids, Daniel.”

“I think the fact you were over eighteen might change that narrative.”

“She’s not a victim, a damsel in distress you need to save. That’s the kink, isn’t it? She looks so lost and all traumatized. I’m the big villain because I never fell for it?”

Rage. I wanted to tell her Hallie never tried to convince anyone of anything. All she wanted was to be left alone. But the point was moot. Katie wasn’t going to understand how disgusting it was what she had done. I shook my head.

“I’d pray if I were you, Katie. The last word I had at school is that Anderson is being investigated because of what happened. Right now, everyone in Bluehaven knows.” To this, she paled. I licked my lips. “You better pray it doesn’t splash on you. On Ryan. And whoever else was there. You better pray like you never prayed before. Hold on to the pearls, you and your family, because the truth is in the open now, and everyone who was in that locker room, every teacher who turned their back, will be punished.” Her jaw ticked, it was the only sign she hadn’t turn into a statue. “Leave now.”

My command left no room for arguments. Before the words were out of my lips, my hand was pointing to the door. I never wanted someone so far away from my home like I wanted Katie out of my life.

At the door, hand on the knob, she turned, a little smile on her lips like the cruel viper she always been. It was finally out for me to see.

“Do you think you’re above it? You were there that day.”

“Excuse me?” I stepped forward, my teeth grinding.

“I let her go. She darted out of the locker room, looking down, and I followed to see if she was going to Anderson. And she bumped into you, but you barely looked at her face. She was crying. Your hands were on her shoulder and you put her to the side. You’re not a hero, Daniel. You don’t care, just like the rest of them.”

“Out!” I bellowed.

But the bitter taste was already in my mouth.

In Bluehaven, I could see a glimpse of water everywhere I went. The ground was flat, its geography narrowed, stretching along the coast. Everywhere I looked it was water and blue skies. Dad said it was what Mom always loved about it, a town so close to the water that salt stained the windows during a storm.

The beach was part of everyone’s day-to-day life. Everyone but me, the girl who wouldn’t go to the beach.

When Dad came home with a guilty look, I knew what he had done. Our conversation about the events of that day was a hard one. I hated reliving it, but telling Dad…

His eyes watered, his fist clenched. I hated them even more for hurting him. Dad believed he failed me. And when I finished telling him, when I finished painting the picture of Bluehaven through my eyes, I knew I had carved a knife into his heart.

Dad was all smiles and life-long friends. He was fishing and sunny days. Church and reliable prices. I turned that good man into rage. He was a phantom of the person he had always been, and I wept at the loss of his innocence. I knew the roles were reversed, but in a house like ours, where the most important member left a gigantic hole, we needed to improvise. I had to protect him as much as he protected me. And I thought I did. For years I was certain that protecting my dad was leaving him in the dark about what was happening at school. But now, when the past came back abruptly and I left him looking so broken, I realized I did neither of us any good.

Everything was left in the open. No more secrets. Dad knew and confronted Anderson. I only needed a little probing for him to confess. The whole town knew; if they believed mine or Katie’s versions of the events, that was another thing.

I sat on that knowledge for a couple of days. Avoiding Torres’ and my responsibilities, locking myself in the shed and working on that dress for me, the one I kept neglecting. And it was looking down at the dress, the colors I chose, the things I sewed into it, that my mind stopped racing.

It stopped. Needle between my fingers as I applied shells to the bottom of the skirt.

Shells.

I stood up at once and walked. I was alone, Dad at work, so I said nothing to no one. Just walked out the front door, walked across our street that poured into Main Street. Never stopped when people unashamedly gawked at me.

It took me exactly five minutes to reach the beach. A half wall of stone separated the sand from the promenade. I crossed it with one destination in mind.

The beach was the personification of my fears. Something so vital to anyone who lived in Bluehaven, and yet unattainable to me. It was the first warning that I was a rejected organ in this system. The sign that made me singular and them plural. It hurt, and I hurt Dad when I refused to fish with him without explanation.

But now what?

They were my past, and I proved over and over again I wasn’t the same Hallie anymore. So I went to the beach.

The waves called to me, crashing into the white, warm sand. Perfect greenish blue into golden white. I breathed the salty air, so many years since last time. Down the half-moon steps from the promenade was where I sat. Took my sneakers off and buried my toes into the sand.

My little revolution.

I was done with being scared, done with giving in. It never helped. Being compliant never made them not bully me. Lying and covering up their mistakes did not protect Dad.

I was back at Bluehaven and, even though it wasn’t my intention, I seemed to uncover every crease, putting light into every corner. I faced ahead with my chin up, breathing through my nose and letting the ghosts pass me by.

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