Page 118 of My Pucking Crush

Shit, why does that hurt?

At least right now, he can’tleaveme. He’s hired to stay on my ass. Oh God, that’s another sacrifice he’s making. He’s a top, but he’s letting me have that control.

Holy fuck, I have real feelings for the man. Deep and pure. My heart faintly recognizes the feeling. I had more than a guy crush on Jake. And it was more than fooling around.

I thought I was in love with Jake. His betrayal wrecked me. I still remember the constant pain in my chest. That same ache is tearing down the walls I put around my heart when it comes to Luca.

I’ve been lost in my thoughts and forgot to tell him to park in the garage where we could have entered directly into the kitchen. He already unloaded our bags and is carrying them up the walkway of large shale stepping stones that leads to the front door.

I’ll move the car later. After we fuck. I need him. I need to be inside him, connect with him.

Fishing my phone from my pocket, I unlock the door with the security app my contractor installed for me.

When the click sounds, Luca yanks around. “This house is all electronic?”

“Yeah. I did it in case I wanted to stay here and didn’t have a key.”

“I’m gonna need to see that app and secure your passwords.”

“No one knows about this house. You need to loosen up,” I say and open the door.

I want to push him against the door and jerk him off right here, breathing in the ocean air.

“Ineed to check out this place first,” Luca bristles, stepping ahead of me. He forces me to stop with a stiff vibe that screams he doesn’t want to be touched.

“I’ll take my bag.” My hand brushes his to take my duffle—carrying my luggage for me is going too far.

He pulls away and drops my bag on the floor.

“Is something wrong?” I finally ask.

He can’t be mad about the guy in the restaurant who saw us holding hands. I’ve been nothing but consistent about my need to keep what we have a secret. I exhale, though, the fight in me draining. It’s been a long day and we didn’t get much sleep last night.

I probably exhausted his cheery protection mode for one day. First the shit show with my parents, the wake service with more than one hundred people Luca doesn’t know, then the bar with my old friends.

Luca ignores me as he surveils the house. He goes room to room, switching on lights, and opening closets, swinging them with a little more force, and slamming them shut.

I rack my brain about what can be wrong. That conversation with Cory, Kieth, and Paul rings back to me, how they shitted on Oliver and other gays. Luca had to have overheard them.

But he’s my age. That kind of bigotry isn’t anything new. It didn’t faze me. I’ve been dealing with that for years in professional sport.

College was rough, too. Lots of slurs and shaming. For that reason, Ionlydated women for four years, believing Jake and I were a ridiculous phase. With the right motivation, I responded sexually to girls, but it felt empty. My heart never beat for any woman the way it beats for...Luca.

Only Luca.

He has to understand, I’mnotout. I wasn’t going to fucking stick my neck out for a guy I haven’t seen in years. I can’t risk being labeled gay and then have to answer for it, with either a denial or an immature ‘outing.’

“Huh?” I say, lost in my head again.

“I said, give me your phone please,” Luca asks calmly.

Our eyes locked, I hand it to him. He walks away, tapping different screens. I know he’s changing my passwords, but I’m too tired to argue.

“It’s been a long day.” I rub my forehead. “Come on, my bedroom is this way.”

“Your bedroom?” He emphasizes the possessiveness.

“What’s wrong with you? Your eyes are wild. There’s no one here.” I stop short and spin around at the foot of the stairs. “You’ve been sleeping in my bed in Stamford. If you don’t—”

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