Page 26 of Knocked up By the Mountain Man

I shove the door open and fall through it, gasping and panting like I’ve been buried underground for ages rather than sitting in a car with Beau for... well, I’m not sure how long I’ve been in that vehicle. It feels like a lifetime.

“Are you okay?” Beau asks sounding genuinely concerned, as he follows me outside of the car. “What’s going on? Do you get motion sickness?”

“I... I...” I almost want to blame it on the car, but it seems stupid to do so. I’ve spent so long holding everything in, which is fine when I don’t have to see him, but in the car, I just can’t handle it. “Are you trying to upset me?”

“What do you mean?” There’s an innocence to his tone which winds me up even more. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s all the Goddamn time,” I erupt like a hot lava volcano. My hands fling in the air in frustration. “You’re picking on me all the time and I can’t stand it. I don’t know why you’re doing this, are you deliberately trying to drive me insane? Huh?”

He laughs.

Not much, but I get a little crazy about it.

My blood boils and my fists ball up by my sides. The only good thing to come from my anger is that I no longer feel sick. Instead I’m filled with rage and trying hard not to explode.

“Why are you playing that damn song?” I growl through gritted teeth. “Do you want me to leave?”

His lips curl into a self satisfied smirk. “Ah, so you haven’t forgotten. That’s interesting to know.”

I glance around as if I’m just realizing we’re out in public now, but we aren’t really because it’s pretty deserted. There isn’t another car or person as far as the eye can see which makes me too nervous for words.

“You pretended to forget about me, didn’t you?”

He edges closer to me, the intensity of his gaze has me frozen to the spot. I know I need to move before he really connects with me, but I can’t go anywhere.

I’m stuck; held by his eyes.

“But you can’t really forget me, can you? You can’t forget what we shared. I knew it. I just... I knew it.”

He reaches out as if he’s going to touch me, but that makes me flinch, and he stops.

He doesn’t back away though. He stays where he is, looking at me with a twinkle in his eyes.

I’m in trouble, so much trouble.

Why can’t I pull back?

“So, let’s talk about us, shall we?” he smirks. “Let’s have a discussion about what happened between us.”

I shake my head hard because I don’t want to talk about anything. I can’t talk about the past without talking about Thomas and spilling the truth about everything. I’m struggling to hold it all inside as it is because of the tension between us, but right now I’m just about doing it. I feel like I’m all buttoned up and zipped in, struggling to contain it all.

“No, let’s not talk about it.” I fold my arms protectively across my chest, trying to disguise my pain from him. “I feel better now. Let’s get going.”

I start to walk towards the car, but Beau finally breaks the gap between us, and he grabs my arm to keep me in place. A sharp bolt of electricity shoots through my body, and I yank myself away. I stare at him in sheer defiance, hoping he will shut the hell down and just let me go already.

I want to get in the car... no, I don’t want to get in the car; I just want to go home.

I don’t want to be here at all. This is such a nightmare.

Instead of wanting to get away from me, Beau steps even closer. I can almost feel his lips on mine, which hurts me to the very core. I shudder because I can feel the tickle of his breath on my face, and if I just know that if I allow my eyes to close, I’ll be back to that time years ago when everything was perfect, before it all fell apart. I could be in Beau’s bedroom or barn again, kissing him, our whole future laid out in front of us. It would be so easy to slip back to that place...

“No,” I finally whisper, pushing him away from me.

My heart is pounding, about to explode right out of my chest. I can’t slip back to that place; there’s too much at stake. I need to think about my son and his needs. I can’t have Thomas mixed up in our messy relationship. He’s far too important for that. He deserves nothing but joy and happiness.

“No, don’t do this. Don’t toy with me Beau.”

“I’m not,” he insists, managing to look a little hurt. “What would make you think that?”

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