Page 116 of Big Bad Wolfe

He choked, cleared his throat, soldiered on. “God,God,there was so much blood. Spattered on the walls. Filling the tub. Soaking Trev’s jeans and T-shirt until they looked black. A river of it had flooded from where his lower jaw dangled by tendons—the result of the bullet he’d fired into his own mouth.”

Jillian gasped and her eyes filled. She slid her arms around him, held him. “Oh, Zane!”

He kept himself stiffly upright, not allowing the gut-wrenching image to form. He couldn’t bear to ever see it again.

Wouldnotever see it again.

You can get through this. Only a little more, and you’ll be done.

“Everything went blurry after that. I dropped to my knees beside the tub and puked. Even though it was obvious he was beyond help, I called 9-1-1. They sent paramedics and cops. The cops called my parents. When they got home, the old man stomped and raved, called Trev a coward and a loser. Mom went into hysterics and had to be taken to the hospital. Stoneheart went with her.”

Jillian was trembling. He had to force himself to be still, not to tremble along with her.

“They left you all alone?” She sounded aghast.

“Believe me, it was a blessing to get rid of them. The coroner came and took Trev. I went back into the bathroom and saw my little brother’s blood and brains smeared all over the tub. I was numb, but all I could think was I didn’t want my mom to come home and have to deal with that. I found some cleanser and started cleaning it up.”

Her hot, wet tears soaked into the front of his shirt. “Zane, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

Zane held her close, finding comfort in her empathy. Her soft body, her sweet fragrance helped him cling firmly to right now. Helped him keep the sounds and smells of that awful day at a bearable distance. “One of the cops found me. He helped me clean up. I was so furious with the old man that if the evidence team hadn’t taken away the gun, I—I would have used it on him when he got home.”

“I understand why you felt that way.”

“So did the cop. He talked to me the whole time we worked. He stayed and ended up ordering a pizza. He fed me, and we talked the entire night. I needed someone, and he was there. When he left, he gave me his card. He wrote down his home number and told me to call if I ever needed anything, day or night. Officer Luis Manuel changed my life. We still keep in touch, still phone each other now and then.”

She wiped her eyes and looked up at him, tenderly touched his cheek. “That’s why you became a cop.”

“Yeah. After I blew out my shoulder, I’d planned to coach a pro baseball team. But when I went back to school after Trev’s death, I switched to law enforcement. I knew as a cop I could make a difference. Help people. Maybe make up for some of my old man’s destruction.”

Relieved he’d made it through the ugly tale without losing it, he wearily closed his eyes, let his head fall back against the couch. “My mom ended up in long term care, swamped in denial. She kept insisting Trev was murdered. They managed to wean her from the booze, but not the tranqs. Within a year she was dead, too … and nobody will ever convince me it wasn’t from a broken heart. The last time I saw the old man was at her funeral. He refused to speak to me.”

Her gentle fingers brushed the hair back from his forehead. “Bastard.”

“Now you see why I decided never to have a family. The men I come from … everything we touch, we annihilate. From the cradle, I was taught to criticize and push. To succeed, regardless of the collateral damage.”

She rose to her knees and gripped his shoulders. “But you’re nothing like them. You’re not fragile like your mother, not impressionable like Trevor. Not a blind follower like your older brother. You’re not ruthless and sadistic like your father.”

He raised his head, stared at her. “Are you willing to gamble your life—and Casey’s—on that?”

Steadfast and sure, she met his gaze. “Absolutely.”

“What if I fail?”

“What’s your definition of failure, Zane?”

His chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. “I know exactly what it is. My little brother, lying in the tub. With his jaw torn loose, his blood and brains spattered all over the wall.” He swallowed hard. “I never told you who Casey looks like. You know he resembles me. But he’s a mirror image of Trev at that age. The first time I saw Casey, it ripped my guts out.”

She paled, but her gaze remained steadily on his. “What happened to Trevor won’t happen to Casey.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“When I came to the airport and told you about Richard and Brooke, you stayed to protect your son, even though you didn’t know anything about him. At the kite festival, you taught him that having fun was more important than winning. After he took off on you in Value-World, instead of whipping him, you put him in timeout.” She again stroked his cheek. “You dealt compassionately and wisely with his lost tooth. When he dumped his dinner in your lap, you were mad, but you gave him a fair consequence and another chance. You’re a good father.”

He sat quietly, processing the blitz of information.

“You know, you remind me of Aragorn when I first got him from the pound.”

He winced. “Gee, thanks.”

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