Page 106 of Please Hate Me

Traitor.

“But I can serve you instead, if that helps you feel comfortable.” His tone was soothing, but his words did nothing to calm my frayed nerves.

“I’m not a child,” I huffed.

A slight shake infiltrated my fingers. Still, I reached across the table to grab a spoonful of eggs and a tiny amount of whatever the yellow stuff was. The idea of eating a pancake in front of everyone made me physically sick, so I avoided it, as well as the bacon. I wanted to be better, to not overanalyze something as simple as eating. I just didn’t know how.

I picked up a fork, only to push my food around. Realistically, I knew no one was looking at me. Conversation filled the air, and I wasn’t the center of attention, but it didn’t feel like that. The room was closing in. Leona’s elbow rubbed against my arm as she let out a hearty chuckle. Cameron had just made a joke, but I couldn’t help but feel like she was laughing at me.

I knew I was being stupid. I lived my life on the stage. Being looked at and listened to was literally my job, but here I was, afraid of eating around people. I scanned the crowd around me, and my anxiety mounted. If I let myself be hungry, I was hurtingthe baby. If I ate until I was full, I’d probably put on weight, and I’d be undesirable.

Nausea flooded my stomach, alerting me that I had no choice in the matter. I focused on the conversation around me and tried to ignore just how much I was putting into my body. After all, I didn’t want to burden anyone more than I already had.

“Sebastian,” Leona purred, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in years! You’ve gotten so strong.”

She reached across my chest to squeeze her brother’s arm. Seb looked at her from the corner of his eye but didn’t give her any more attention than that.

“I’ve been busy with work.” His fork scraped against his plate as he spoke, sounding completely disinterested in his sister.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t make time to visit your family.”

“It does when I’m constantly traveling.”

I paused with a bite of egg halfway in my mouth. If he was constantly traveling, how would that work with a baby? Especially when I often traveled for work as well. I wanted Lavender to have a family, not an endless series of babysitters.

I forced my worries down with a mouthful of the yellow mush. At first, I just wanted to know what it was—I didn’t think I’d enjoy it. But it ended up being cheesy, creamy, and delicious.

I sucked my spoon clean before serving myself a little more. Cameron smiled at me as I did.

“I didn’t think you’d know what grits were,” he commended.

I didn’t, but I didn’t want to throw away his praise.

“Did you make these too?” The second the words slipped from my lips; I realized I sounded like a dumbass. I had watched Cameron cook everything.

Color rose to my cheeks as I expected him to call me stupid—not that I thought he really would, but I deserved it. Instead, his smile widened ever so slightly into a crooked grin.

“I did. I’ll make ’em for you as often as you want.”

My chest warmed. I really didn’t deserve Cameron. But... I’d like to, one day.

I glanced over at Sebastian, but he was laser-focused on Leona. His jaw was so tense I could see his veins pulsing. I knew Seb was hot-headed, as all the Castillos were, but I had never actually seen him angry. He pushed his lips off to the side and rolled his eyes before tossing an arm over me and kissing the side of my head. It didn’t feel like a kiss of love; more like he wanted to provesomethingto his sister.

Why would he do that?

My musings were short-lived as Leona swatted Sebastian’s hand off my shoulder.

“That is your brother’s girlfriend,” she hissed. “We’ve been over this how many times?”

Sebastian rubbed his jaw before his lips quirked into an irritated grimace.

“She’smygirlfriend.”

Leona’s jaw dropped, and I assumed she was shocked that Lucian and Sebastian were sharing a partner. Admittedly, it was a weird situation. But, in no lifetime could I be prepared for what she was about to say:

“What about your boyfriend?”

Her gasp drew the attention of the table. The coffee in Lucian’s mouth exited in a misty plume. Sophia glared at Lucian and handed him a stack of napkins, but the damage was done.

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