Page 32 of Please Hate Me

Stop. Thinking. About. Lucian.

“Uh, yeah, I think so.” I squeaked as memories of the other Castillo filled my mind.

“So, you know how they have that thick layer of hard candy around that squishy middle?”

I nodded.

“You’re like a Tootsie Pop.”

That felt like an insult, but instead of voicing my dissatisfaction, I waited for him to finish.

“You have this outer shell that feels completely impenetrable. But, in the middle, you’re soft and sweet. For years, I tried to wear away at that outer shell. But the second you got pregnant, it just evaporated… around me, anyway.”

Even after Sebastian was done talking, I wasn’t sure how I felt about his comparison. But to be fair, I wasn’t sure how to feel about anything going on in this house.

I was just glad to be out of my father’s.

I waited until after Sebastian had left for church before getting ready for the day. Now that I was out of the heat of the moment, I was more than a little embarrassed about last night. I didn’t want to faceanyoneafter that. But avoiding Sophia was impossible. So, I put on a face full of makeup and my most comfortable pants, then ventured out into the house.

In my attempt to hide from everyone, I never had a chance to look at my new surroundings. The walls were white, and there were more windows than I had ever seen in my life. I stopped at the top of the stairs, leaning on the banister as I gazed out the enormous window above the foyer. The gauzy pastel curtains were tied back on either side, allowing a golden glow to trickle in.

Back home, I lived with the curtains shut. If I ever dared to open them, I would be greeted by flashing cameras rather than sunlight. I had forgotten how nice it felt to stand in the sunshine. Even through the closed windows, its warmth seeped into my skin as I gazed out at the endless rows of crops.

Just how bigwasthis place?

The house creaked, and I turned on my heels to see Sophia just inches away from me. I jumped back and stumbled over myself. I would’ve hit the floor if Sophia hadn’t grabbed my wrist. Her grasp ignited a panic in me—I hated it when people touched me there. It reminded me of awful things my dad put me through in the name of unlearning my personality. But, since the moment was calm, I had a chance to remind myself that Sophia wouldn’t hurt me… at least, I didn’t think she would.

“Good morning, sunshine.” She smiled.

There was a hint of apprehension in her eyes, but her confidence would never let her show it. That’s just how Sophia was; if I was as great as her, maybe I could have that kind of confidence too. She was smart, kind, and beautiful. My gaze danced around her face, taking in her delicate features. Big blue eyes that lit up when she smiled, high cheekbones, and skin devoid of all flaws, including freckles. She was like a plus-sized Barbie doll, complete with the ability to do anything she set her mind to.

“Oh my gosh, your heart is beating fast,” she gasped, fingers still wound around my wrist. “Are you alright?”

I yanked myself from her grasp and wrapped my arms around my chest as heat rushed to my face. The last thing I needed was for her to psychoanalyze bodily reactions I couldn’t control.

“I’m fine.” I brushed past her and began quickly descending the steps.

“Why are you up?” she asked, following close behind me. “You and Lucian always used to sleep in.”

“Things change.”

“Oh—Does that mean you’re an early bird now? That’s fantastic!”

I walked a little faster, trying to make space between us as I hopped off the bottom step, but as I looked around the massive open space around me, I realized I had no idea where I wasgoing. To my right was a closed door, and to my left was the dining room. Fearing that the closed door might be someone’s bedroom, I walked toward the dining room and noticed a short hallway that passed under the staircase, leading further into the house.

I followed it and emerged in an enormous living room. A matching set of blue velvet furniture surrounded a fluffy white rug and a glass coffee table covered in thousands of tiny fingerprints.

“Sorry for the mess,” she laughed. “You know—kids.”

Right, they had kids. Lucian was adamant about being there for his twins—I could tell that by the way he spoke to Cameron last night. A sinking feeling filled my chest as I looked up at the family photos on the wall. In them, the three adults sat in matching outfits with their two children. Both of the tots had Lucian’s complexion and mop of dark curly hair… but that’s where the similarities ended. Both of the twins had almond-shaped eyes that were so vibrantly green they could have blended into the grass. Where did they get those? Certainly not from Sophia.

I turned back to see the entryway at the end of the hallway I’d passed through earlier. There was a shoe rack lined with cowboy boots, Doc Martens, white sneakers, and approximately four and a half pairs of toddler shoes. I swallowed hard as a lump formed in my throat.

“It’s not a mess… it’s homey,” I mumbled.

Sophia clicked her tongue as if she disagreed, but she didn’t press the issue. “How far along are you?”

“Twenty-six weeks today.”

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