Page 35 of Please Hate Me

“You’ve fucked up again, no surprise there.”

“Do you really think this is good enough?”

Hot tears escaped and pattered against the floor, creating small circles in a smear of icing that had fallen from my lap. That’s when I realized the awful truth: I wasn’t helping. I was just making a bigger mess.

“Seriously, you’re crying again?”

I tried to clear my throat and stop the tears before apologizing: “I’m sorry. Sophia, I’m so sorry.”

“‘Sorry’? You think that’s enough to fix this?”

My face felt like an inferno as I looked up. I had been so distracted fixing my mistake that I didn’t notice Sophia hadcrouched beside me. She wasn’t helping me clean. Instead, her eyes were locked on mine.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, my voice thick with sorrow.

“Come on, Masie.” She smiled, removing the paper towels from my hand. “Let’s get your hands washed.” She pulled me to my feet, and the world around me spun.

We walked to the sink together, and she stood behind me as she turned on the water. Steam caressed my face as she guided my hands under the flow. Disgusting hiccup-like sobs escaped my chest as she massaged foamy pink soap into my hands. It smelled like strawberries.

“Shhh, deep breaths. You’re alright.” She assured me before turning the water off.

Sophia wrapped an arm around me, helping me to the couch safely despite the intense shaking in my knees. The velvet was soft, and now that I was away from the mess in the kitchen, I started to feel better.

“I’m so sorry.” I sniffled. But, instead of being angry, Sophia’s face remained soft and her smile kind.

“Did you get hurt?” She pulled my hands toward her, turning them over to examine my palms before folding them in her lap.

I swallowed hard and shook my head. I still needed a minute to compose myself before I could actually speak.

“Then that’s all that matters.” Sophia assured. She leaned in closer, pressing the back of her hand to my forehead, then dropping her palms to my cheeks, forcing me to look at her.

“Who hurt you?”

Who hurt me?

Did she want a name? A list? Was this a rhetorical question? If not, what was the right answer? I cleared my throat and forced a smile as I prepared to laugh off her question.

“What?”

“You heard me,” she whispered. “This isn’t how someone who’s completely fine acts… so who hurt you?”

My bottom lip quivered as another tear escaped, and Sophia swatted it away with her thumb. This wasn’t a conversation I was ready for, and I think she could tell.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.” She dropped her hands and shrugged. “Even if you have your secrets, I still want a second chance… for all of us.” She swept the hair from my face behind my ear. “How do you feel about that?”

“Like you’re making a mistake.” The words escaped before I could stop them.

She blinked twice. “Mason, the only mistake I ever made in our relationship was letting you leave… especially since something happened that made you likethis.”

“I’m fine,” I defended.

And she nodded. “I’m not going to argue with you, but I’m still going to ask that you join us.”

“Sophia, I—”

“Ahht!” She raised a finger. “At first, I wanted this because I missed you… but now I think it could be good for you.”

My heart skipped.“...Good for me?”

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