Page 66 of Please Hate Me

“Jesus Christ, do you need to go to the hospital?”

I shook my head. “As soon as I get something in my stomach, I’ll be fine.”

The problem was leaving the bathroom to go get that something.

“Well, I’m not tethered to the toilet like you are. What do you want?”

“Excuse me?” I laughed.

“You heard me… If you don’t tell me what you want, I’m giving you sour candy. Ashley used to say it helped with her morning sickness.”

I stared at him for a moment. “Who’s Ashley?”

“Oh shit, you weren’t there for her.” He rubbed his temples, clearly frustrated at himself for bringing her up. I knew Lucian’s sense of time was probably scrambled due to drugs, but there was something sweet about it. Did he really think of me often enough to forget how long I’d been gone?

“She’s the twins’ deadbeat mom,” he explained. “We met in Portland when she came to a shop I was working at. I gave her a tattoo; she gave me her number.”

“Is it hard not having their biological mom in the picture?”

Of course I was worried about Lucian’s emotional well-being, but concern over my own situation tugged at the back of my mind. I knew Seb would be a great father to Lavender, but after actually spending time with Cameron, I was starting to get worried. It would’ve been one thing if I never got to know him; it was another thing entirely to watch him willingly walk away.

“Honestly? Yeah, it is. I’m honest with my kids—they call Sophia mommy, but they know she’s nottheirmommy. “Lucian sighed. “They’re used to it now, though.”

A shard of guilt lodged itself between my ribs and heart. Logically, I knew I had nothing to do with Ashley abandoning her kids. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I could’ve prevented this whole situation if I had never left.

“So, what do you want to eat?” he asked again.

I cleared my throat, shaking off the bad feelings.

“Crackers and tea would be great, thank you…”

Lucian braced himself on the sink and pulled himself to his feet. I tried and failed not to look at his ass as he brushed the dust off the back of his jeans.

“... But why are you doing this for me?”

Lucian shrugged, obviously uncomfortable with the question.

“Let’s just say…”

He turned his head to look at me, then bit his lower lip.

“Actually, I don’t owe you an answer for anything.”

It took forty-five minutes and two cups of tea for my stomach to settle fully. Once it did, Lucian not onlydemandedthat I eat breakfast, but he cooked for me, too. We shared the meal in silence before I went upstairs to get ready for the day.

I pulled my hair into a high ponytail, threw on enough makeup to hide my sickly pallor, and squeezed into one of my few pairs of athletic leggings that still fit. Early on in my pregnancy I considered buying maternity clothes, but my dad was quick to remind me that bigger clothes would encourage me to let myself go. He was right, and I was glad to have him looking out for me.

Still, it felt like I was one wrong move away from busting out of my clothes. I’d just have to work harder to get back on track with my diet. Seb went to the gym a lot; maybe when he got back, I could start going with him.

I snapped a quick photo of myself in the mirror before sending it to Seb. After that, I sent him a GIF of a whale, challenging him to spot the difference.

Less than a minute later, he sent me a photo of the outline of his cock through his slacks.

Aquatic mammals don’t make me hard during meetings.

I should have taken that as a compliment, but as usual, he neglected to address the one thing I was actually worried about. Seb would always find me attractive, but that didn’t mean I wasn’thuge.

I didn’t want to distract my boyfriend more than I already had, so I wandered back downstairs, hoping to swipe another bookfrom Sophia. But as I hopped off the bottom step, a complex guitar riff stole my attention.

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