Page 97 of Please Hate Me

“Yeah, but not for the better,” he scoffed.

“What the hell are you trying to say? In what ways have I changed for the worse?”

“You want a fucking list?” He dissected me with his gaze, but still, I thought he was bluffing.

“Sure, tear me to shreds.”

“Your funeral.” He rolled his eyes as he stood to his full height, towering over me. With just inches between us, my heart thundered.

“First, where the hell is your personality?”

“I have a personality.”

“Yeah, but not a good one. You’re fucking scared of everything.” He circled behind me, then grabbed my shoulder to force me to look at him.

“Also, you really need some fucking meat on your bones.”

He poked at my ribs, and I swatted him away.

“Don’t body-shame me.”

“It’s not body-shaming; it’s a health concern,” he retorted. “But I can look past whatever’s going on with you and help you get back to being healthy. What Ican’tdeal with is the fact that you still run instead of facing your problems.”

He grumbled the last word as he drew nearer, leaning down to my level. He had to hunch his back just to look me in the eyes.

“I’m not running! I am literally still in the same house,” I huffed.

But he shook his head. “You can be physically present but still run. That’s why you had my brother break up with me for you, overtext,of all things. Seriously, what is this? Middle school?”

My chest tightened at his question.

“I’m just doing what’s best for you!” My voice shook as I tried to defend myself.

“What’s best forme?” he snapped, but the subtle sheen in his eyes betrayed the façade of anger he was so desperately trying to maintain. “I am a goddamn adult; I don’t need you to decide what’s best for me. Unless you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want to be with me, or Sophia, or Cameron, we’re not breakingup!”

His voice cracked at the end of his sentence, and I swore I was about to see Lucian cry.

“Tell me you hate me. Tell me I’m a piece of shit. It doesn’t matter what reason you give. I just need an answer, so I don’t have to sit around and wonder what I did to drive you away.” His voice was raw with emotion.

My bottom lip quivered. “You thinkyoudrove me away?”

He nodded, letting his hair waterfall off his shoulder to cover the redness on his face.

“I know I was shitty when your mom died. You needed me—I should have comforted you instead of going off and taking a shower by myself. But I was nineteen. Teenagers are stupid, Mason.”

Through his veil of hair, I saw a single tear roll down his cheek.

“What we saw that day... I couldn’t get the image out of my head no matter how hard I tried. When I got out of the shower, all I wanted to do was hold you and make plans for everything to be okay, but you were gone. Dad said you just left—I spent all night searching the neighborhood, thinking you were lost in the woods having a breakdown all alone. And when I couldn’t find you,Iwas the one who broke down in the woods, alone. Istilldon’t know what the fuck happened!”

Lucian took a breath and steadied his tone.

“I deserve a reason this time.”

But I didn’t have one. Not one he’d like, anyway. I couldn’t tell him I was terrified to be loved; he’d never accept that answer. Instead, I needed him to hate me.

“I’m pathetic, and you deserve better.”

His brow deepened, and his tears dried.

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