Page 39 of Beyond Those Gilded Walls

The letterI’d tucked into my dress was scorching against my breast, reminding me of its presence. I was under no illusions that this letter leaving the castle would be entirely dependent on how tonight’s party unfurled, and that if I failed, my words would never reach Emyl or Rhyon in time.

Entering the kitchens just as the sun had disappeared, I had little hope of the letter ever being sent. But the words had been a balm to my own soul, if nothing else. The failures, the mistakes since I’d been in the castle were my own, yet it would be foolish of me to assume that this night would be different simply because I wished it so.

The others looked at me as I entered, all of us dressed in veils of a shimmery white fitting the moonlight theme. Maricara and Elena lifted their heads only enough to glance at me before turning in dismissal.

Zaharya tilted her head as she looked at me, the movement sending ripples down the veil. “How are you, Odyssa?”

I was grateful the veil hid my frown. She did not care, not truly. The curiosity was around what edict or punishment Camelya had issued, not around my personal wellbeing. If she’d asked any other question, perhaps I would have believed her. But this one, this inauthentic inquiry into my state of mind, had me closing off. Not that I’d planned to be forthcoming with Zaharya regardless. I’d had my breakdown in front of her; there would not be another. “I’m fine.”

The silence buzzed in my ears like the incessant flies that had invaded Veressia to make their homes on the corpses of those we’d lost.

If they wanted to know what Camelya had said, what my punishment would be, they would have to be brave enough to ask it aloud, without hiding behind empty, placating words and soft tones.

“Are you still…” Talyssa’s words trailed off. She swallowed hard, visible even beneath the shroud of moonlight she wore. It trembled as she moved. “Will you still be working with us?”

I inclined my head. “Yes.”

Maricara sighed heavily. “Tell us what happened with Camelya, Odyssa. Is there anything the rest of us need to be concerned about?”

“If you wanted to know that, you should have just asked.”

“We did.”

“No, Zaharya asked howIwas. I am fine. Talyssa asked if I would still be working. I will be.”

“Fine. What did Camelya say to you last night?” Her words were spat through gritted teeth. “Do we need to be concerned?”

“Further mistakes will result in my paycheck being withheld and not sent to my brothers. Not that it matters anyways, since I received a letter yesterday telling me the youngest one is infected.” She flinched. I took a deep breath to calm the raging tempest inside me. I forced the next words out slowly on the exhale. “She did not mention any of you.”

“You cannot let your grief manifest here,” Zaharya said, her voice soft yet firm. “The castle feeds on it. It senses your weakness and it will seek them out. You leave yourself vulnerable the more emotion you feel.” She paused, considering me. “You do well not to show it, but the castle cares not for whatever mask you don, Odyssa. Wherever you must go in your mind, whatever you must do, no one here will think less of you for it.”

“I find that very hard to believe, considering I was judged the moment you found out I volunteered for service.”

“Yes, well, that was a mistake.” Zaharya turned her gaze to Maricara and Elena. “One that will not happen again.”

The bells tolled, ending the conversation before a response was needed. I was grateful, as there was no response to that; I hardly believed her, after all. We gathered our trays and made for the ballroom.

A slimy, oily feeling settled in my stomach, turning it sour and heavy and causing my grip to tighten on my tray of drinks. The castle, the prince, even Tallon himself, would not make this night easy for me, I feared.

The letter burned against my skin. Vowing to let myself hear nothing, see nothing, and speak nothing, I entered the ballroom. I would be as we were intended: unnoticeable.

I was nearlyable to keep my vow.

We were nearing the end of the night when I walked past a group leaning against the windows. Taking a respite from the dancing, I supposed. I did not intend to listen to their conversation as I distributed fresh drinks to them, collecting their empty ones as payment, but I heard it all the same.

“…such a messy business,” one of them said.

“I hear the city is running out of room to bury their dead. It’s as if people could not get out fast enough.” Laughter followed.

The tray rattled slightly in my hands, but none of them noticed, just pushing their empty glasses into my clutches. My world narrowed to their laughter, mixing with the tinkling of glasses. The veil brushed against my face, and I wanted nothing more than to rip it off, to pull away the smothering fabric.

I started to leave, to take the empty glasses back to the kitchens and take a moment to breathe and settle before returning, but their lingering conversation floated over and stopped me in my tracks, unable to do anything but stare at them.

“So sad too,” someone added, though they sounded like they were trading gossip rather than remorse. “Why, I heard just this morning three young boys passed. A waste of good labor, if you ask me.”

The room fell away, my blood echoing in my ears.Rhyon. Rhyon. Rhyon.He was the only thing on my mind. I needed to get to Camelya, to have her dispatch my letter immediately, to see if she had any news from outside the walls about my brother. I turned on my heel, mind already mapping out the best way to get back to the kitchens and then to Camelya's without being seen. My eyes were unseeing, already setting my path halfway to the door as I sped up my steps.

I passed by a small crowd, only to be stopped by more people shoving their empty glasses at me. Once they’d been added to my already full tray, and my nerves were even more frayed than ever, I took a small step back, signaling to the group my imminent departure. A masked man drained the last of his drink and thrust it on my tray, wobbling the other glass atop it.

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