Page 115 of Bull Moon Rising

I flush just thinking about it, because it’s obscene and naughty and I’m enjoying being obscene and naughty with him far more than I should. “Well, now,” I say, and take a tottering step forward. Sure enough, everything between my thighs is wet, wet, wet. I’m not going to be able to take a step without thinking about him and what we did. How he came this close to taking my virginity in a dirty alley across from a whorehouse.

It makes me pause. “Hawk? If we have sex tonight, you can make me pregnant, correct?”

He looks down at me, incredulous. “You’re asking now?”

“Seems like a good time to ask.”

“Aye, I can.” His voice is terse, and I suspect this is just now occurring to him, too. “There are charms we can use but…I don’t have any on hand. It usually falls to the woman to handle such things.”

“When was I supposed to get a charm?” I ask him. “Before I came to Vastwarren and everyone would wonder who Lady Aspeth was fucking? Or after I got here, in between drills?”

Hawk grunts. “Excellent point. I’ll get you one.”

But that changes things. We were intending to head back to the dorm and have sex tonight. We’re both ready, and we both want it. Except…“If we’re going to have sex, shouldn’t you get one before we do?”

He runs a hand down his face. “I’ll get one first thing in the morning.”

“So you and I…tomorrow, then?”

“Aye, tomorrow.” He squeezes my hand. “We still have time before the Conquest Moon.”

“How much time, exactly?”

He rubs the back of his neck with his other hand, expression awkward. “The morning?”

Oh goodness. Not much time at all. “And it has to be before then?”

He nods. “So I can be gentle. I don’t trust myself once the hand of the god is fully upon me. Not with it being your first time and all.”

I chew on my lip as we walk back to the guild dormitory in silence. I should be thinking about the Conquest Moon but instead, I find myself thinking about what happens afterward. I haven’t allowed myself to think that far ahead, yet now I can’t seem to stop. What does the future look like if I take the rings and head back to my family’s hold?

What does the future look like if I stay Hawk’s wife?

I’ve never really allowed myself to dream about what happens next. It’s always been assumed that I would marry to keep the family bloodline going, and that it would be to someone who brings either wealth or artifacts to reinforce our claim upon Honori Hold. My parents were an arranged marriage, and their parents before them. I’ve never contemplated what I’d do if I wasn’t tied to the hold and its obligation to its people.

But if I could…

I’d love to stay. Join the guild. Hunt for artifacts. More than that, I’dlove to simply research and study the ones that the guild has. Immerse myself in the Old Prellian culture that I love as much as everyone else in the guild. Go cave diving at my husband’s side.

Come home to him every night and curl up in his arms and talk about nothing more urgent than the day’s findings (or lack thereof).

I suddenly want that so badly I ache. My eyes burn with unshed tears and I blink rapidly, holding tightly to Hawk’s hand.

This is what happens when I allow myself to dream, so I won’t think about it at all. It hurts too much.

We’re quiet as we walk back to the guild dorm, both of us lost in thought. I keep my hand tucked in his, though, because I’m afraid of letting go. I think about Hawk’s words, about how this is no longer convenient, no longer transactional, and he’s right. I’m feeling entirely too much and I’m terrified of what this could mean.

As we head up the sloping street toward Magpie’s nest, I see a light shining in the window. I check the front of my bodice again, immediately feeling as if I’m back in the alley with one breast hanging out. “Someone stayed up late.”

“Never a good sign.” Hawk gives my hand a squeeze and then releases it. “Let me talk to whoever it is. Keep quiet and stay behind me.”

As a holder’s daughter, I’ve never stayed quiet, much less hid behind a man. My back stiffens. “It’s probably Gwenna.”

“Or your ex finding out you’ve married and come to cause trouble.”

My mouth snaps shut. He might be right. I tuck my cloak tight around my dress and let him take the lead.

Inside the dorm hall, there are two men seated on the bench, both in guild livery. One jumps up the moment we step through the doorway.

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