Page 23 of Wicked & Wildflower

Last night, even in the darkness, she was glowing in a way I’ve never seen before.

It only served to confirm the fact that my intuition is always right. When I found that note she’d written to Leo in her desk drawer just weeks before her wedding, I knew she’d never planned on sending it to him.

But I did.

He showed up on the day of her wedding and helped her leave.

He showed up because even though they’d only spent one summer together ten years ago, he’d always known she was the love of his life. Deep down, she’d always known it too. She left him all those years ago for me. Because I was pregnant and I needed her.

Seeing her—both of them—now, happy and healed, settles that pang of guilt that had been eating away at me for a decade, the knowledge that she’d chosen me and my chaos over the boy she loved, and the fear that she’d never find that happiness with anyone else.

So, I’m happy my sister is home. I want to hear about their trip to Portugal and the life they’ve begun building together, but for now, I’ll let them sleep.

I finish getting ready for Lou’s surf lesson. I throw on a pair of denim shorts and a black tank top, tossing my hair into a loose topknot. I pack a bag with towels, sunscreen, water, and snacks, and Lou meets me downstairs.

She’s wearing the bathing suit I bought her on Friday with a pink dress draped over top of it. I take a minute to brush out her hair and braid it back before we grab our things and head out to my car.

“Can we drive in Everett’s Jeep again sometime?”

“Maybe.”

Lou insists on cranking Taylor Swift as we make the short drive down to the boardwalk. Another phase she’s going through, which I don’t mind at all. I make her hold my hand as we cross the street and enter Heathen’s.

Everett’s standing at the counter, talking with the same man I met the first day I came in. I feel slightly embarrassed at seeing him again, but he doesn’t mention the incident with my dad, and neither do I. Everett formally introduces him to me as Adam, Leo’s personal assistant. He works for Leo part time and fills the rest of his hours here at Heathen’s.

I can’t help but notice the way Adam stares at Everett like he has stars in his eyes.

I can’t help the way it makes my insides twinge a little, knowing that other people look at him that way, find him as desirable as I do, that he may be giving others the same soft eyes, intense attention, and knowing smiles he gives me.

I shake it off as Lou runs up to him with excitement.

“Hey, kid.” He smiles at her. “You ready to go?”

She jumps in response. “What board am I using?”

“I’ve already got everything set up on the beach for us, so you’ll see it when you get down there.” He moves away from the back counter and leads Lou toward the door, calling over his shoulder to Adam, “Just shoot me a text if anything comes up. I’ll be around!”

Lou leads the way, even though she doesn’t know where she’s going. Everett directs her down the boardwalk steps and onto the beach, with me trailing behind them. A short distance away, I make out an umbrella and towels laid out in the sand. A dark-haired figure sits back in a chair beneath them, and there are two surfboards propped up against her.

“Your mom wanted to join?” I ask, hiding a laugh.

“You know how she is.”

Once Lou spots Monica down the beach, she takes off in a sprint. Reaching Everett’s mom, she takes off her dress and drops it into the sand, showing off her new bathing suit. I can see Monica make the motion of clapping her hands as Lou twirls around.

“She seems really happy, you know,” Everett says next to me as we walk at a slower pace. “I don’t know a lot about being a parent, but I feel like there is this constant worry that your child isn’t fulfilled, that you’re not doing a good enough job.”

I look at him, but he’s watching my daughter. After a moment, his eyes meet mine. Rays of mid-morning sun float across hisface, turning those eyes to a shade of molten amber. “From the outside looking in, I can tell she’s your whole life, so I wanted you to know that she looks happy. She’s full of light, and I think that kind of iridescence only comes from the deep knowledge of being loved.”

I realize now that we’ve both stopped walking. Waves crash against the shore behind me, sea breeze blowing between us, but momentarily, I’m entirely lost in those eyes. I study his face—his long, ridged nose, luxuriously full lips beneath his rough yet soft beard, the smooth tanned skin of his cheeks, his short, dark hair.

He runs a tattooed hand across the scruff of his jaw, breaking my trance. As I begin to study his hands—the intricate artwork that crawls along his fingers and his wrists, looking like flowers and vines—I realize that I’ll only get lost again in the memory of how those hands felt along my bare skin.

I remember the way he looked at me that night, like I wasn’t someone’s mom, someone’s daughter or sister. I was just a girl in a bar who caught his eye. He looked at me like I was desirable, alluring. That look in his eyes made me feel free and wild and unworried. It made it easy for me to say yes, to throw caution to the wind and let myself go.

The way he looks at me now is no different, as if none of those other factors matter to him. Still, I can’t change the fact that they matter in general. I’m not just a girl in a bar. I don’t get to throw caution to the wind. I’m no longer wild and unworried. I’m not even sure I’m free.

I break my gaze and look away, back to where my daughter sits on a surfboard in the sand. “Thank you,” I whisper. “She is my entire world. Her happiness is my only priority, so…” I swallow. “That means a lot.”

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