I mean the words as I say them, but mostly because I just don’t have any desire to even attempt a casual hookup right now.
Dad smiles at me, clapping a hand on my back as we exit the garage and enter the office attached to it. “Don’t stop having fun. Don’t stop chasing your good time. Just…maybe find someone you have a good time chasing over and over again.”
“Stop looking at my wife,” Leo says two days later as we stand waist deep in the waves, waiting for Lou to meet us in the water for her lesson.
Darby and Leo decided to join today, and the girls are laying out while we take Lou into the water. Dahlia’s wearing a good-for-fucking-nothing blue one-piece that matches the shade of her eyes and accents every dip and curve of her soft body.
It’s driving me out of my goddamn mind.
“She’s not your wife. And I’m not looking at Darby. I’m looking at Dahlia.”
“She’s basically my wife. And they look exactly alike.”
I glance at my brother, whose eyes are completely stuck on his fiancée as she rubs sunscreen into her legs. It’s perpetual bliss and adoration I see on his face as he watches her. It’s the way he has stared at her since he was seventeen, like he always knew, even back then, that he belonged wholly to her.
“I don’t see Darby when I look at her. I only see Dahlia.”
That’s enough to snap him from his trance, and his sharp blue eyes study my face with bemused consideration. “Christ, man,” he murmurs as his gaze narrows on me, reading my expression. “You’ve got a crush on my sister-in-law, don’t you?” He chuckles. “I don’t think I’ve seen you have a crush since your obsession with Mr. Vardin in the eleventh grade.”
“Dude. He was my bi-awakening. That’s a sensitive topic.”
“Whatever.” He scoffs. “Just stay away from Dahlia. She’s got enough on her plate without you drooling over her.”
“You don’t think she could use someone to help take some of that shit off her plate? Carry some of the weight for her?”
He seems to consider that for a moment. “I think she could, but I don’t think that person is you. What’s the most you can offer her? A few casual hook ups before you get bored and move onto your next conquest?”
His words land like a physical blow as I stumble back, ocean water lapping at my legs. I think back to what my father said the other day.
Is this really what they think of me?
“Dahlia needs someone who’s in it for the long haul, who wants to be around for her, and for her daughter, for good.She’s not going to trust someone until she knows they’re going to stay.” His eyes meet mine. “They were never made to feel like they were enough, and it takes a lot to prove them otherwise. Trust me, until she finds someone who’s going to do that, she’s not going to open up to anyone, and she does not need you messing with her head in the meantime. Not with everything she’s got going on.”
“Can someone please tell me what the fuck she has going on, then?”
My brother shakes his head. “That woman has trust issues as deep as the goddamn Grand Canyon, and it wouldn’t be right of me to share her struggles without her knowledge. If she chooses to trust you with them, she’ll tell you herself.”
I don’t respond as I ponder my brother’s words, my own intentions. I haven’t thought much past my attraction, my adoration of her. She’s alluring and enticing, and I can’t get her out of my goddamn head, but the truth is, I have no idea what the fuck that means.
What I do know, though, is that I think I understand her fears. I understand what it takes to open her up, gain her trust, and win her over. I think I understand just how precious those parts of her are, and what it would mean to hold them. The scariest thing about it is that I’m not scared of it at all. The challenge. The chase. The commitment.
I open my mouth to tell Leo just that when a flash of purple catches my eye. I turn my head in time to find the bundle of red-blonde hair barreling toward us with the orange surfboard in her hands. She laughs maniacally as she reaches the water, laying down the board, jumping atop it, and gliding straight toward us.
I pull her between Leo and myself, and Lou looks up at me with those big, bright eyes and the sunniest grin on her face.
“You ready, Luz?” I ask.
She nods excitedly, and I lift my head to find her mother watching the two of us with a cautious, yet hopeful smile.
It’s then that I realize loving the two of them may come far too easily.
15
Wildflower
Aching Ovaries
“What time did Everettsay he needed to be back at the shop?” I ask, glancing at the time on my phone before locking the screen and dropping it back into the beach bag.